Jokes from Various Comedians

Here are some jokes from some several different comedians who may not be as well known as some others but the jokes are funny.  (A side note, in the early 90's I wrote some jokes for the first comedian listed here, Joey Adams.  He was often an opening act at Ceasar's Palace, in Las Vegas.)

Do not worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older it will avoid you.
Joey Adams

People are still willing to do an honest day's work. The trouble is they want a week's pay for it.
Joey Adams

Rockefeller once explained the secret of success. 'Get up early, work late - and strike oil.'
Joey Adams

I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for.
Jasper Carrott

Laughter is the best medicine - unless you're diabetic, then insulin comes pretty high on the list.
Jasper Carrott

I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.
Frank Carson

So I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller', he said 'Not you again'.
Frank Carson

I'm really happy that I was raised Catholic because it's given me years of material.
Kate Clinton

Never get into an argument with a schizophrenic person and say, "Who do you think you are?"
Ray Combs

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
Billy Connolly

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