Here are David Letterman's top ten lists from last week:
Top Ten Things Gadhafi Wants To Say From Hell
10 "Can anyone recommend a good hair gel?"
9 "Tweet me if Chaz wins 'Dancing With the Stars'"
8 "How is it everything's hot down here except the coffee?"
7 "Remember folks, when you want a long-lasting fire with that great smoky taste, buy Kingsford, the official charcoal of Hell"
6 "How did the Colts do last night?"
5 "Why is Jack LaLanne here?"
4 "Yes it's hot — but it's a dry heat"
3 "If you think it's hot down here, wait til you see the sizzling Salma Hayek on Letterman tonight"
2 "Homicidal reign of terror? For that you go to hell?"
1 "Osama says hello"
Top Ten Details of Rick Perry's Tax Plan
10 Fifty percent tax increase for all guys named "Mitt"
9 Hunting camps with offensive names are tax exempt
8 It's covered in rib sauce
7 Lets people choose regular tax, flat tax, or "El tax muy caliente!"
6 It's called the 9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9-9 plan
5 The obese pay an additional 3 percent per chin
4 Free dance lessons (video of Rick Perry dancing with Orthodox Jews)
3 Not sure. Honestly, when this guy speaks I have no idea what the heck he's talking about
2 All tax refunds now go directly to the Chinese
1 Punishment for filing late? Lethal injection
Top Ten Things Overheard At Moammar Gadhafi's Funeral
10 "Honestly, how the heck did he spell his name?"
9 "It's a shame he didn't live long enough to promote himself above colonel"
8 "Is it too soon to hit on the Ukrainian nurse?"
7 "After the services, come back to the house for cake"
6 "Where's his hot daughter Kim?"
5 "And now, a few words from Moammar's closest friend, Loni Anderson"
4 "At least he died doing what he loved best — begging for mercy in a storm drain"
3 "Incoming!"
2 "Nice of Leno to send flowers"
1 "Let's bury this guy"
Top Ten Ways Netflix Can Win Back Customers
10 Quit screwing around
9 Heartfelt plea from Larry Netflix
8 Order "Pirates of the Caribbean" — Johnny Depp personally delivers the DVD
7 Hire the smoking Herman Cain guy as new company spokesman
6 Every DVD comes with a trained monkey who presses "play"
5 I don’t know, change the red envelopes to blue envelopes — leave me alone, I'm watching "Gunsmoke"
4 Mailers include DVDs and a slice of delicious meatloaf
3 With every 10th rental, you get free trip to Aruba — How's that going to help?
2 Buy the rights to current and future Kardashian sex tapes
1 Change the name to Apple
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