Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Stephen Colbert, and Jimmy Kimmel:
"A court has ruled that Rahm Emanuel is not legally allowed to run for mayor of Chicago, which in Chicago I believe means he won." –Stephen Colbert
"A Chicago court ruled former White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel can’t run for Mayor of Chicago. However, according to Chicago law, he’s free to purchase the position." –Conan O'Brien
"MSNBC has abruptly ended their relationship with Keith Olbermann, and according to his contract he's not allowed back on television for at least six months. Or as industry experts call it, The Conan." –Conan O'Brien
"Tomorrow is the State of the Union Address, and Republicans and Democrats will sit together intermingled, if for no other reason than the raw sexual tension." –Conan O'Brien
"The Pope praised Facebook but said it is no substitute for human interaction. Then the Pope reminded everyone that human interaction is a sin." –Conan O'Brien
"Vice President Joe Biden was called for jury duty. He can get out of it if he can convince the judge that his presence at his job is essential. So he’s going to jury duty." –Jay Leno
"Chinese President Hu Jintao was hinting that China may not loan the U.S. any more money. President Obama is now talking to him about a reverse mortgage." –Jay Leno
Last night, President Obama gave the State of the Union address. Vice President Biden called it a great speech. House Speaker John Boehner called it a real tearjerker. –Jay Leno
President Obama said our country is facing another Sputnik moment, which is well over the heads of a lot of young people. They think Sputnik is Snooki's older sister. –Jay Leno
Did you see the pictures of Snooki sitting next to Kim Kardashian at an NBA game over the weekend? It looked like Kim was staring at herself in a funhouse mirror. –Jay Leno
A social networking revolution has started in Saudi Arabia. Over 10 million Saudis are now online. In fact, the most popular social networking site for women in Saudi Arabia: "Cover-Your-Facebook." –Jay Leno
The theme of President Obama's State of the Union address was "Win the Future." It was much more inspiring than the original theme: Beat the rerun of "Top Chef." –Conan O’Brien
Egypt is now in its second day of angry street protests, and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton is calling for calm. Nothing enrages an inflamed Arab country like a powerful woman ordering it around. ." –Conan O’Brien
Yesterday Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg had his own Facebook fan page hacked into. Zuckerberg immediately ordered the hacker to be tracked down, seized, and hired. ." –Conan O’Brien
It's been widely reported that the meat content of Taco Bell's ground beef is only 36 percent, which explains their new slogan: "Think Outside the Cow." ." –Conan O’Brien
President Obama promised to veto any bill sent to his desk with earmarks. I think he's just being overly sensitive about his ears. –Jimmy Kimmel
He also said we have to win the future. He said that seven different times I'd settle on tying the future. I don't like to get greedy. –Jimmy Kimmel
For the State of the Union address last night, Republicans and Democrats sat next to each other, instead of on opposite sides. The press called it "date night." How come they go on a date, but we're the ones who get screwed. -Jay Leno
In India, a fighting rooster slashed the trainer's throat with the blades he had attached to its feet. Official cause of death? Karma. –Jay Leno
The terrorist group Hezbollah has taken control in Lebanon, and opponents have declared a "Day of Rage." Or as it's known in the Middle East, "Tuesday." –Conan O’Brien
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