More Funny Quotes from Famous People -IV

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Here are some mostly funny quotes by mostly famous people:

I failed to make the chess team because of my height. –Woody Allen

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people. –Rodney Dangerfield

I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun. –Arnold Schwarzenegger

I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. –Charles M. Schulz

I have never been hurt by what I have not said. –Calvin Coolidge

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three. –Elayne Boosler

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well. –Robert Benchley

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. –Rodney Dangerfield

I intend to live forever. So far, so good. –Steven Wright

I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. –Joan Rivers

I like children - fried. –W.C. Fields

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me. –Fred Allen

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap. - Rodney Dangerfield

I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known. –Walt Disney

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. –W. C. Fields

I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do. –Will Rogers

I never said most of the things I said. –Yogi Berra

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