Friday, October 30, 2009

Best of the Late Night Jokes - 10/30/09

Best of the Late Night Jokes - 10/30/09

Here are the best jokes from the late night comedians for this week.

"One of the top selling costumes this Halloween is a vampire version of President Obama called 'Barackula.' Also very popular is the vampire version of former Vice President Dick Cheney, called 'Dick Cheney.'" -Conan O'Brien

"In a speech in Canada, former President George W. Bush said he was proud that when he was in office he didn't sell his soul, which is true. He rented it to Dick Cheney, who then sublet it to Halliburton, but it's totally different." -Jay Leno

"In a speech in Canada, former President George W. Bush said he was proud that when he was in office he didn't sell his soul, which is true. He rented it to Dick Cheney, who then sublet it to Halliburton, but it's totally different." -Jay Leno

"They say now that President Barack Obama's playing a lot of golf. Did you know he plays a lot of golf? I didn't know that. Good for him. Play golf. Play all the golf you want. The world is going to hell anyway. What possible difference could it make if he's playing golf?" –David Letterman

"And an auditor found rampant fraud in the government's first-time home buyers program. The auditor found that starter home money even went to 4-year-olds. Imagine that. Four-year-olds got a home loan, which is good news for Jon and Kate's kids because now they can get their own place. Don't have to deal with those two idiots anymore." –Jay Leno

"After the President invited only men to play basketball with him earlier this month, the National Organization for Women is complaining that the Obama Administration has a 'boy's club' atmosphere, not to be confused with the Clinton Administration, where they had a gentleman's club atmosphere." –Jimmy Fallon

"President Obama is in the news. He's been criticized for only playing sports with other men. He's been taking some slack for that lately, so yesterday, he played golf with one of his top female advisers or as Fox News reported it, 'Obama plays a round with another woman.'" –Conan O'Brien

"An MSNBC anchor, Contessa Brewer, made an embarrassing mistake on the air last week. She called Jesse Jackson, 'Al Sharpton.' Even worse than that, after he told her, 'I'm Jesse Jackson,' she said, 'Are you the one that's between Jermaine and Tito?'"–Jay Leno

"It's a great day for America, everybody. Yes, it is. It is our secretary of state's birthday. It is Hillary Clinton's birthday. Happy birthday, Hillary. President Obama asked her what she wanted, she said 'Your job.'" –Craig Ferguson

"Bill Clinton is planning a romantic candlelight dinner tonight. Then he'll go home and see Hillary." –Craig Ferguson

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