Here are some suggestions I have made for some people who may not have thought of these particular New Year's resolutions but are badly needed nevertheless:
For Harry Reid – to start learning something new and possibly consider a career change (Nevada voters will help him with that one.)
For Barack Obama – simplify things, instead of working for “hope and change” narrow it down to just change (as in do the exact opposite of almost everything you have done so far.)
For Bernie Madoff – start a cigarette ponzi scheme in my new prison home so I will have the “prisoners’s wealth” to buy off the guys who are doing to me what I did to all my investors over the years.
For Tiger Woods – contact Match.com to see if they’d like to hire me as their spokesman.
For Tiger Woods (again) – find a new hobby.
For Roman Polansky – spend more time at Jonas Brother’s concerts so I can meet new females.
For Bill Clinton – to vow to sleep with Hillary at least once this year.
For Bill Clinton (again) – buy a paper bag so I can comply with the above resolution.
This one is a multiple choice resolution – to vow to mend my criminal, perverted ways. (This one applies to which of the following groups?)
a) 99% of the prison population
b) The Mafia
c) All the members of Congress
d) All of the above
For myself - stop putting things off…starting tomorrow.
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