Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson:
According to a new book, President Obama blames Fox News for his political problems and losing voters. How could Fox News lose voters? If you're watching Fox News, you're probably not voting for him in the first place. –Jay Leno
Pope Benedict will visit Mexico this weekend. Historians say he will be the first Pope ever to attend spring break. –Jay Leno
The State Department is warning spring breakers about the dangers of violence from Mexican drug gangs. So, to avoid the threat, stay out of L.A. –Jay Leno
Next month the movie "Titanic" will be re-released in 3-D. In this version, the captain doesn't see the iceberg coming because he's not wearing the special glasses. –Jay Leno
Disastrous news for Walt Disney. They've announced they've lost $200 million on the movie "John Carter." This doesn't bode well for Disney's upcoming $250 million epic, "Jimmy Carter." –Conan O’Brien
Yesterday Vice President Joe Biden said the killing of Osama bin Laden was the most audacious plan in the last 500 years. Biden then unveiled his new line of steak knives and said, "Until now!" –Conan O’Brien
Since Saturday, Apple has sold 3 million iPads. So to the Chinese workers who made them — juice boxes all around. Celebrate, kids. Be happy. –Conan O’Brien
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights. –David Letterman
Big news in the NFL. Peyton Manning is leaving Indianapolis and going to Denver. I knew it. He said, "Colts are horses. Who else has got a horse? Denver Broncos." That's the way these things work. –David Letterman
Rick Santorum said he's not worried about unemployment. Well, he will be in November. –David Letterman
When I heard the Republicans were in President Obama's home state, I said, "They're holding a primary in Kenya?" - Craig Ferguson
Some top Republicans are urging Newt Gingrich to leave the race, but he says he's sticking around. If they could get him to marry the race, he would probably leave it eventually. –Jimmy Kimmel
This Wednesday Mitt Romney goes one-on-one in a debate against the one man who stands in the way of his nomination: Mitt Romney. –Jimmy Kimmel
Massachusetts moderate squares off with die-hard conservative Romney on the issues. Man versus machine. Romney versus Romney. –Jimmy Kimmel
Last week a tourist in Puerto Rico took a picture of Rick Santorum shirtless on the beach. I don’t want to say he looked chubby, but his new Secret Service code name is "Newt Gingrich.” –Jimmy Fallon
That’s right — Rick Santorum was seen lying on the beach without his shirt on. He would have worn sunscreen, but he’s not really into protection. –Jimmy Fallon
Disney will lose $200 million on its new movie, "John Carter," about a Civil War soldier on Mars. Disney could tell they were going to lose lots of money when they realized they made a movie about a Civil War soldier on Mars. –Jimmy Fallon
“The Hunger Games" is expected to make $130 million at the box office this weekend. Experts say the movie has that one quality you look for in a film — it’s not about a Civil War soldier on Mars. –Jimmy Fallon
Peyton Manning has signed a $96 million deal to play for the Denver Broncos. How ironic is that? Tim Tebow's prayers to help the Broncos win are finally being answered. –Jay Leno
The other big football story is that Tim Tebow has been traded to the New York Jets. Can you imagine Tim Tebow in New York City? Talk about throwing a Christian to the lions. –Jay Leno
The man who created the Red Bull energy drink has died at the age of 89. Actually, he died five years ago. He was just so wired, nobody could tell. –Jay Leno
Red Bull's creator is survived by a very jumpy wife and a bunch of really jittery kids. –Jay Leno
Yesterday the prime minister of Ireland made President Obama an honorary Irishman. As a result, President Obama awoke this morning with a hangover and a job at the fire department. –Conan O’Brien
Today is Ann and Mitt Romney's 43rd wedding anniversary. This means that 43 years ago Mitt proposed to his wife and due to a weak field of candidates, she said yes. –Conan O’Brien
Looks like Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow has been traded to the Jets. When told he was going to be spending the rest of his career in New Jersey, Tebow said, "There is no God." –Conan O’Brien
This weekend President Obama will visit the border that separates North and South Korea. Not to be outdone, Newt Gingrich will visit the border that separates the KFC from the Taco Bell. –Jimmy Fallon
It looks like Tim Tebow might be traded to the New York Jets — but apparently some Jets players are not happy about it. They're called wide receivers. –Jimmy Fallon
There are rumors that Kim Kardashian wants to adopt a child. You can tell orphans are nervous — even Oliver Twist is like, "You know what — I’m good on soup. Sorry for complaining.” –Jimmy Fallon
President Obama is calling on Iran to give its citizens better access to the Internet. Right now they only have one social networking site: "Cover-Your-Face Book.” –Jimmy Fallon
The Denver Broncos have signed Peyton Manning as their new quarterback. That means Tim Tebow may be traded. There's no telling where he'll end up — you know, like one of his passes. –Jay Leno
Mitt Romney is so rich, he taught his dog to roll over . . . an IRA. –Jay Leno
The new iPad went on sale this week. The picture's so fantastic, you can see with amazing clarity just how obsolete the iPad you got for Christmas is. –Jay Leno
This week the makers of Camel cigarettes said 10 percent of its workers would be eliminated by 2014 — especially if they keep smoking Camels. –Jay Leno
A photo of a shirtless Rick Santorum lounging in a pool is circulating on the Internet. Ironically, the photo has proven to be a very effective form of birth control. –Conan O’Brien
Over the weekend, a group of Occupy Wall Street protesters tried to reoccupy a New York park. You can tell the movement has been hurting for funds. This time they called themselves "Occupy Wall Street brought to you by Sony Pictures '21 Jump Street.'" –Conan O’Brien
A Massachusetts medical clinic is trying to entice men to get a vasectomy by offering a free pizza. The disturbing part is for both the pizza and the vasectomy, they use the same rolling wheel knife. –Conan O’Brien
Peyton Manning is signing with the Denver Broncos. Glad to see something good finally happen to somebody in that family. –David Letterman
Peyton Manning will be the quarterback for the Denver Broncos, replacing Tim Tebow, their current quarterback. This answers the question, "What would Jesus do?" Well, he'd sign Peyton Manning. –David Letterman
Rick Santorum wants to crack down on pornography. Most political analysts say it could hurt him with the "every single man in America" vote. –Jimmy Kimmel
Santorum said when he's in the White House he'll tell his attorney general to prosecute people who distribute any content that is deemed obscene. Will he appoint a team to watch porn all day? If so, he could solve the unemployment crisis. –Jimmy Kimmel
Donald Trump’s sons shot and killed endangered animals on a safari. They got an elephant, a crocodile, and that thing on their dad’s head. –Jimmy Fallon
Peyton Manning has agreed to join the Denver Broncos, which means Denver will trade Tim Tebow after just one year as a starter. Even Kim Kardashian was like, "Come on, who dumps a pro athlete that quickly?” –Jimmy Fallon
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