Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman and Craig Ferguson:
“Rick Santorum is saying the kids that go to college are snobs. Rick Santorum has a new program for children. It's called Every Child Left Behind.” –David Letterman
“Ron Paul looks like the guy you see in the horse-racing movies on the back stretch with a stopwatch.” –David Letterman
“Today is the 100th anniversary of the Oreo cookie. For New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, it's a holy day.” –David Letterman
“Mitt Romney accused the other GOP candidates of pandering to voters to get support. Romney was like, ‘I would never pander to voters. I mean, unless you guys want me to.’” –Jimmy Fallon
“Today marks the 158th anniversary of the Republican Party — while tomorrow marks the 158th Republican debate.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Tomorrow is leap day. This is something that only happens once every four years. Or as Newt Gingrich calls that, a sit-up.” –Jimmy Fallon
“Mitt Romney has accused Rick Santorum of saying outrageous things just so Santorum can appeal to the most extreme voters. Santorum denied this and said, ‘That's exactly the kind of misrepresentation I'd expect from gay abortion doctor Mitt Romney.’” –Conan O'Brien
“The Romney campaign says they can't figure out why the people of Michigan aren't embracing their native son. Hmmm, let's see. Could it be this editorial he wrote four years ago: ‘Let Detroit go bankrupt’?” –Craig Ferguson
“That shows Romney had the vision to put his foot in his mouth years before his competitors.” –Craig Ferguson
“It's nothing compared to the piece Romney wrote last week for The Arizona Republic: ‘Accept your new Mexican overlords.’” –Craig Ferguson
“Rick Santorum has been surging in the polls lately. Apparently voters are responding to his message of no birth control and public schools.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Kid Rock gave Mitt Romney an endorsement. He also endorsed porn, Jack Daniels, and hepatitis C.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“It's leap day tomorrow. This is God's way of punishing us by making the election year even longer.” –Jay Leno
“Kid Rock has formally endorsed Mitt Romney. Doesn't Kid Rock look like the guy that Mitt Romney's neighborhood watch group would call the cops on?” –Jay Leno
“Rick Santorum now says he's against separation of church and state. But he's not against separation of sweaters and sleeves.” –David Letterman
“A crazy billionaire is going to give Newt Gingrich $100 million. Gingrich is so excited. He said, ‘Wow, now I can come pretty close to settling up my bill at Tiffany's.’” –David Letterman
“As of today, Rick Santorum will be assigned Secret Service agents. This is the first time Santorum has agreed to use any kind of protection.” –Conan O'Brien
“The house in Pakistan where Osama bin Laden was killed has been demolished. But not before each member of SEAL Team 6 was allowed to bring one date there.” –Conan O'Brien
“Due to the rising price of oil and gas, the Obama administration announced today they are considering dipping into our national strategic re-election reserves. I mean, I'm sorry — strategic oil reserves.” –Jay Leno
“Now Romney and Santorum are battling over who's more conservative. I think Santorum... he's more conservative. This guy is so conservative, as a kid, he refused to play with an erector set.” –Jay Leno
“Santorum is so conservative he won't go to a junkyard out of fear that he might see another man's junk. That's how bad.” –Jay Leno
“He won't even blow his own soup.” –Jay Leno
“He thinks a dirty Sanchez is a quarterback for the New York Jets.” –Jay Leno
Congratulations to Mitt Romney. He won in Arizona and Michigan. Romney is so excited, he almost loosened his tie. –Jay Leno
Not a good day for Rick Santorum. I haven't seen him this depressed since they invented the birth control pill. –Jay Leno
I think Rick Santorum learned something yesterday. He learned that the Electoral College is not for everyone. –Jay Leno
It's being reported that Snooki is pregnant. When Rick Santorum heard the news, he immediately came out in favor of birth control. –Conan O'Brien
Snooki is three months pregnant. Doctors say the young life form swimming in fluids of only minor brain development is going to have a very healthy baby. –Conan O'Brien
Scientists are looking into the world's oldest murder case — a man who was murdered 5,000 years ago. Larry King immediately came forward with an alibi. –Conan O'Brien
Are you excited about leap day? I mean, my God, who doesn't want an extra day of February? –David Letterman
They went crazy celebrating. A friend of mine who was in campaign headquarters said that after he won and the lights were turned off and people were going home, Romney took off his jacket and chugged a glass of tap water. –David Letterman
Rick Santorum thinks that global warming, climate change, is a hoax. Let me ask you something, Rick. If you think global warming and climate change is a hoax, how do you explain those sleeveless sweaters? –David Letterman
It is leap day. There are a lot of strange traditions. In Ireland and Norway, women are supposed to ask men to marry them and in Denmark if, the man refuses he must give the woman 12 pairs of his gloves. Come on, Danish ladies! If a man owns 12 pairs of gloves, he is probably not the marrying kind. At least not marrying a woman kind. –Craig Ferguson
Why do we need a leap day every four years? Because the earth orbits the sun every 365 days and six hours. In an astronomical sense, it is a tiny amount of time. Six hours. Scientists refer to it as a Kardashian . –Craig Ferguson
I learned something. Julius Caesar came up with leap day like 2,000 years ago. Julius Caesar invented leap day. And salad, I think. -Jimmy Kimmel
According to multiple news sources, Snooki from "Jersey Shore" is pregnant. Which is unusual. They don't usually mate in captivity. -Jimmy Kimmel
CNN asked Snooki's publicist to confirm or deny the rumors. They got no comment. Remember when CNN talked about elections and hurricanes? -Jimmy Kimmel
In yesterday's Michigan primary, Newt Gingrich actually came in fourth place. Or as the ice cream in his freezer put it, it's gonna be a long night. -Jimmy Fallon
Newt Gingrich said that Mitt Romney is so closed-minded that he would have fired Christopher Columbus. Romney denied it, saying, "Are you kidding me? A man with three boats, that's my kind of guy." -Jimmy Fallon
It's leap day tomorrow. This is God's way of punishing us by making the election year even longer. –Jay Leno
The new cast of "Dancing With the Stars" has been revealed. They're leaving one spot open for whoever loses on Super Tuesday next week. –Jay Leno
Some sad news. Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is reportedly in good condition after major surgery. –Jay Leno
It was revealed that Lady Gaga has a role in the movie "Men in Black 3." She's a creepy alien who can only breathe through her tentacles. I don't know what she is playing in the movie. –Craig Ferguson
Bill Nye the Science Guy is suing his ex-girlfriend for more than $50,000 in legal bills. Legal experts were shocked — they were like, "Bill Nye the Science Guy had a girlfriend?” -Jimmy Fallon
There was apparently an electrical fire today at Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox. It was weird — instead of calling 911, Boston fans just heckled the fire until it left. –Jimmy Fallon
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