Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson, Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel:
President Obama officially announced he is in favor of gay marriage. Of course, this is a monumental event. This is the first time Joe Biden said something Obama didn't have to apologize for. –Jay Leno
The women know what this means. Now all the good ones will be married AND gay. –Jay Leno
You know who is really against the president's position on gay marriage? Gay men afraid of commitment. Now they have no excuse. –Jay Leno
My position is simple. I support any wedding I don't have to go to. –Jay Leno
"The Avengers" continues to break box-office records. The Pentagon refused to provide military hardware because they found the movie too unrealistic. They said they can't lend any tanks until they explain why the Hulk's pants don't fall off. –Conan O’Brien
According to the health department, New York City strip-club kitchens have the fewest health-code violations of all restaurants in the city. The same cannot be said for the girls, but the kitchen has the fewest health-code violations. –David Letterman
Membership and recruiting of al-Qaida is drying up. Far be it for me to tell terrorists about strategy but I think membership started to subside when they went to the suicide bomber exploding underpants. –David Letterman
Let's just say you put on the exploding underpants and you detonate. When they bring in the 72 virgins, then what? –David Letterman
Set your exploding underpants on low and you can use them to reheat delicious pizza bagels. –David Letterman
Today President Obama said he supports gay marriage, which is great news for the gay community. It wasn't all positive though. He also said the show "Glee" has jumped the shark. –Craig Ferguson
Mitt Romney responded today by restating his own views on marriage. He said marriage should only take place between two consenting rich people. . –Craig Ferguson
Romney said he had no problem with gay people because one of his best friends owns San Francisco. . –Craig Ferguson
Soon we may live in a world where the only people opposed to gay marriage will be gay people who are married. . –Craig Ferguson
President Obama came out with approval of same-sex marriage. He said that over the years, he has been going through an evolution on the issue. That makes opponents on the far right doubly angry. They don't believe in gay marriage OR evolution. –Jimmy Kimmel
Today Barack Obama became the first U.S. president to endorse same-sex marriage. Obama said he thinks same-sex marriage should be legal. Then he said, "Okay, now where's my show on Bravo?" -Jimmy Fallon
Yesterday New Jersey Governor Chris Christie said he’s not sure if he’s going to run for re-election next year. He’s said, “I’ll collapse that bridge when I get to it.” -Jimmy Fallon
Nestle is releasing new Crunch bars in Girl Scout cookie flavors like Thin Mint and Peanut Butter. And to make it even more authentic, Nestle’s CEO is having his parents pressure their coworkers into buying them. -Jimmy Fallon
Vice President Joe Biden has come out in support of same-sex marriage. President Obama never endorsed gay marriage. But now he's in favor of gay Secret Service agents. –Jay Leno
Facebook has revealed their estimated net worth — $96 billion. That's almost as much money as businesses lose every year from their employees wasting time looking at Facebook. –Jay Leno
New predictions out today claim 42 percent of Americans will be obese by the year 2030. They say the only way to stop that is for the government to step in. Oh yeah, when it comes to trimming the fat and tightening your belt, what better way than the U.S. government? –Jay Leno
Apparently Rick Santorum endorsed Mitt Romney last night very late via email. That just makes Santorum one of the 10 million guys ashamed of what he did late last night on his computer. –Conan O’Brien
President Obama's re-election campaign is focusing very hard on Latino voters. That explains President Obama's new campaign slogan: If you squint, I kind of look Puerto Rican. –Conan O’Brien
I hate to dampen everybody's spirit but they busted up another one of these exploding underpants plots. All I can say is thanks a lot, underpants bombers, because now at airport security we have to put our underpants in a tray. –David Letterman
I always appreciated my teachers. When I was 16, I gave them the greatest gift I could think of. I dropped out of school. –Craig Ferguson
They say give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish and he'll get his own show on the Discovery Channel. –Craig Ferguson
Last night Rick Santorum finally endorsed his former rival for president. This is the fun part where people who say bad things about each other suddenly pretend they're on the same team. It's like a "Jersey Shore" special. –Jimmy Kimmel
Santorum woke up this morning and said, "I endorsed who?" –Jimmy Kimmel
In the email, Santorum acknowledged his differences with Romney, but said they have common-ground thoughts about the economy and foreign policy. And they both like pleated Dockers. –Jimmy Kimmel
In the last year, New Jersey Governor Chris Christie’s approval rating has gone up 12 points. That's impressive. Usually, the only time he picks up a dozen is when he goes to Krispy Kreme. -Jimmy Fallon
A new study found that most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. But since the study took 20 minutes nobody knows what to believe. -Jimmy Fallon
Most people can’t go 10 minutes without lying. We have a name for those 10 minutes — “job interviews.” -Jimmy Fallon
France has a new president. He is Socialist François Hollande. He defeated Conservative French President Sarkozy in a presidential run-off yesterday. Of course, Nicolas Sarkozy handed over power in the traditional French manner. He surrendered. –Jay Leno
President Obama has his new re-election campaign slogan. It's just one word: Forward. Have you been watching this election? Can we press fast forward? Can we just get this thing over with? –Jay Leno
Some good news for that New Jersey tanning mom. Over the weekend at Newark's airport she bought a ticket from New York to L.A. for only $50. Apparently they mistook her for a piece of luggage. –Jay Leno
In a new interview, Vice President Joe Biden said the sitcom "Will & Grace" made America more comfortable with gay people. Biden also said the sitcom character Urkel made America more comfortable with President Obama. –Conan O’Brien
President Obama says his campaign for a second term is still about hope and change. The president's exact words were, "I hope I won't have to change my address." –Conan O’Brien
France has a new president who lives with a woman that he is not married to. Their relationship is described as French. –Conan O’Brien
Yesterday France elected a new president. When the French secret service hires prostitutes, it is not a scandal. It is called test driving mistresses for your boss. –Craig Ferguson
I wish our election was more like the election in France. By that, I mean I wish it was over. –Craig Ferguson
"The Avengers" made an unbelievable amount of money this weekend — $207 million, the biggest opening for a movie ever. If you add in the money made overseas last week, that makes $655 million in 12 days. Finally we have proof of what I've always suspected. We are surrounded by nerds. –Jimmy Kimmel
Producers are hard at work on the sequel, which is tentatively titled "The Avengers 2: Still Avenging Stuff." –Jimmy Kimmel
More details about the Secret Service scandal. The "Today" show sat down with the woman who claims to be the Colombian prostitute who got into the argument over how much she was supposed to be paid. NBC made a point of saying they did not pay her for the interview. This woman never gets paid! –Jimmy Kimmel
Yesterday on CBS, Newt Gingrich said it would be "inconceivable" for Mitt Romney to choose him as a running mate. And today, Romney issued a statement saying, "Yep.” -Jimmy Fallon
After just one term in office, French President Nicolas Sarkozy lost his re-election bid because he was unable to fix his nation’s economy. Or as Obama put it, "Uh-oh.” -Jimmy Fallon
In an interview this weekend, “Jeopardy” host Alex Trebek hinted that he might retire in two years. Or as he put it, "Born in 1940, this game show host wants to sit around in his bathrobe eating ice cream.” -Jimmy Fallon
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