Friday, November 6, 2009

Best of the Week's Late Night Jokes, 11/06/09

Here are the some of the best jokes of this week by the late night comedians.

"Yesterday, voters in the state of Maine voted no to gay marriage, but yes to medical marijuana. That's right, people in Maine believe marriage should be a sacred institution between a really stoned man and a really stoned woman." –Conan O'Brien

"Not a good night for President Obama. He lost elections in Virginia, New Jersey and not doing too good in Afghanistan either. In fact, political experts are calling this his worst setback since he tried that bowling thing." –Jay Leno

"One year ago today, ladies and gentlemen, Barack Obama was elected president, one year ago today. One year later, we're still in Iraq. We're still in Afghanistan. But, you know, at least we got rid of Paula Abdul." –David Letterman

"Over in Washington, President Obama called and congratulated Republican Bob McDonnell today after he won the governorship in Virginia. Obama then moved Virginia to the bottom of the swine flu vaccine waiting list." –Jimmy Fallon

"A year ago today, Barack Obama was elected president. It's been a year, can you believe that? Yeah. A lot's happened. Yeah. In one short year, Obama's slogan has gone from, 'Yes, we can,' to 'Wow, this is freakin' hard.'" –Conan O'Brien

"Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, scolded Pakistan leaders for not going after Al Qaeda and just pretending that they didn't see a problem that everyone else in the world could see. Ouch. How about that, huh? Imagine, Hillary Clinton lecturing you on turning a blind eye to a problem that the rest of the world could see." –Jay Leno

"The White House has approved a new plan to pay — they're going to pay members of the Taliban to change sides and support the U.S. And if it works there, they're going to try it with Fox News." –Jay Leno

"This weekend for Halloween, President Obama wore chinos, a white button down shirt and a crew neck sweater. Yeah. Apparently, Obama went as the whitest president in the history of the United States." –Conan O'Brien

"At the White House on Saturday, the Obama's greeted trick-or-treaters. They gave them either M&Ms with the presidential seal on them or dried fruit. The dried fruit went to the kids who said their parents worked at Fox News." –Jay Leno

"This weekend in Afghanistan, opposition candidate Abdullah Abdullah dropped out of the runoff presidential election. Yep, Abdullah Abdullah says he wants to spend more time with his wife Marjorie Marjorie." –Conan O'Brien

"Abdullah Abdullah may be out of the race, but they say in four years his idiot son will be on the ballot. That would be Abdullah W. Abdullah." –David Letterman

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