Recently, Roger Clemens, former Major League baseball player, was indicted for perjury as a result of allegedly lying to Congress about steroid usage. The absurdity that anyone could get in trouble for lying to Congress, the King of the Liars, was enough impetus to write this article. If you walk into Congress I would think the atmosphere of chronic liars alone would make someone be compelled to lie. It would be like walking through the desert, you’d feel compelled to drink water…you walk into Congress, you feel compelled to lie.
I mean, come on, most of those guys were lawyers, so it’s their training to lie. It’s just what they do. And then they wanted to become politicians on top of being lawyers. It’s like taking the scum that is on top of the scum in the dirtiest, filthiest part of the pond that has accumulated scum and that is what the politicians are comparable to. Not that that would necessarily be a bad thing…providing you are already a very low form of disease causing bacteria.
If Roger Clemens could have a private conversation with some members of Congress this is what I would expect it to be like:
Roger: Let’s just assume I was lying, which I wasn’t, you guys lie to each other and the public all the time. Why is okay for you guys?
Congressman #1: When you believe your lies it is a whole different game. It makes it okay. If you are really good at something you should do it. Painters paint, singers sing and liars lie.
Roger: That’s not fair.
Congressman #1: Fair? What does that have to do with anything? This is politics and government.
Harry Reid: I noticed you often appeared angry and intense when you were pitching. Was that the result of steroids?
Roger: I didn’t take steroids, so I wouldn’t know.
Harry Reid: Darn it. I was hoping it was true. Heck, I would take them too if it was, even a bad personality is better than none like I have.
Nancy Pelosi: Do you think steroid usage could be an effective replacement for Botox? Not that I would have any interest in that.
Roger: Now you’re lying, aren’t you?
Nancy Pelosi: I don’t know what you mean? Telling you that I’m lying goes against my Hippocratic oath…oh wait, that is the oath that doctors don’t keep. (She turns to a fellow congressperson) What oath do we take?
Fellow congressperson: The oath to lie, of course.
Nancy Pelosi: Yes, that’s right. I remember now. If I answered your question the way you wanted me to I would be breaking my oath…what was the question anyway?
Roger: Never mind. I know you use Botox.
Nancy Pelosi: That’s not true. The nerves in my face are just dead from me beating myself up all the time for lying to my constituents. But if you tell anyone that I’ll deny it, as any good congressperson would.
Roger: What about Charles Rangle? I’m betting you guys knew he was lying for a long time yet you did nothing until someone else exposed it.
Congressman #1: He’s one of us. We were elected to do the job we do.
Roger: What, lie?
Congressman#1: I’d be lying if I said yes, so, no.
Roger: What does that even mean?
Congressman#1: Exactly.
No comments:
Post a Comment