Let’s be clear from the start, iPhones suck. The irony of the whole thing is that they are many things to many people and they have certainly been called many names, I’ve had a few choice words for them for sure, but they most certainly cannot be called a phone.
To say that the iPhone sometimes drops calls would be like saying Osama bin Laden has a somewhat unfair attitude towards Americans, or that President Obama occasionally likes to spend other people’s money, or the John Edwards has sometimes flirted with other women.
I don’t even own an iPhone myself I’ve just tried to talk to a friend who has one. But based on that experience I have a pretty good idea how it got its name. The inventor of the phone at the parent company called his boss (while using his new invention) and said, ”I just came up with a great invention, I call it ‘I am a phone.’” What the boss heard before the call was dropped altogether was, “(garble, garble)…great invention, I call it “I (garble) phone.”
The boss, being a typical executive from a huge multi-national corporation, gave the call its due attention after it was dropped and looked thoughtfully into space and said to himself, “Hmmm, he said it was great even though iphone is a stupid name…what the hell. We need something new and I have a golf game to get to so…I know, I’ll capitalize the ‘p’ in phone so I can say I had something to do with it.”
And the iPhone was born.
If the iPhone could talk I’m sure it would sound very much like a foreigner just learning the English language (which is also how anyone feels when they are talking on an IPhone since you can only hear every other word.) It would say, “Hello, I Phone.” To that I would tilt my head and raise my eyebrows and say, “Seriously?”
Then it would frown and say, “Well at least I good texting apparatus and I video unit and I Internet source and I good storage unit and I about 100 other things that nobody really understand but it nice to throw that number out.”
And I’d respond, “Yeah, I’ll give you those things, but you’re a piece of crap phone.”
And it would say, “Yeah, okay.” Then it would walk away with its head hung a little bit but it would proudly sell itself to the next sucker with a couple hundred dollars and life would go on.
The CEO of the company that makes iPhones, who has the same first name as I do and whose last name is like the second word in the function that I’m guessing there is left to promote that the iPhone 5 will do, (Hint: the first word in the function is what the wind does …now go back and read that sentence again and you’ll get it) has said in response to complaints about dropped calls, “We’re not perfect.” Well now I feel better about the whole thing because if they were perfect I guess they would have already included that function… Oh lighten up, I’m just kidding!
On that note I’ll sit back and wait for all the nasty calls I’ll probably be getting from fans of the iPhone. But I’m not too worried because I probably won’t be able to understand the call and it will drop altogether very soon anyway.
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