Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien:
"Political analysts are saying that Mitt Romney is having trouble generating enthusiasm among Iowa voters. Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know you have a problem when people in Iowa find you dull." –Conan O'Brien
"There's a plan for the Pentagon to cut almost half a trillion dollars from the military. The Pentagon plans to pay for future wars by divorcing Kobe Bryant." –Conan O'Brien
"Today are the Republican Iowa caucuses. Or, as it's also known, 'old white guy Mardi Gras.'" –Conan O'Brien
"They say the Iowa caucuses are very important because they are predictors of the Academy Awards." –David Letterman
"Forty percent of the people of Iowa are undecided about who to select as a Republican candidate for president. Thank goodness we have three dozen more debates." –David Letterman
"I hope you all had a good holiday. I was in Scotland. I enjoy going back to the country where I was born. That must be what it feels like when Barack Obama visits Kenya." –Craig Ferguson
"The new ruler of North Korea is Kim Jong Il's son. That's an amazing coincidence. The elections must have gone very quickly." –Craig Ferguson
"The U.S. government is selling $30 billion worth of fighter jets to Saudi Arabia. Yeah, it’s part of a new initiative called, 'Operation Regret This In Five Years.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama’s campaign has released a highlight reel of his top moments from 2011. The video’s a little weird. Halfway through, it’s taped over by Joe Biden’s recording of 'Yo Gabba Gabba.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"2012 is supposed to be the year the world ends. Have you seen the national debt? If the world doesn't end, we are so screwed." –Jay Leno
Police have detained a suspect in a huge string of arson attacks. This guy was going around Los Angeles setting dozens of cars on fire. And he was setting the cars on fire the old-fashioned way: without a Lakers championship. –Jay Leno
The car owners whose cars were burned were really upset, except for the people that owned Kias. They were thrilled. –Jay Leno
It turns out the suspect in the arson fires is a German man who is upset about his mother's immigration status. Apparently his mom didn't know you could just walk over from Mexico. –Jay Leno
Rick Santorum’s campaign is celebrating the Iowa caucuses with a pizza party. Here's the embarrassing part: It was delivered by Herman Cain. –Jay Leno
I have a New Year's resolution. This is absolutely the last year I buy another one of those stupid Mayan calendars, okay? –Jay Leno
According to the Mayans, the world is supposed to end in the year 2012. Are you buying that? When's the last time you even ran into a Mayan? –Jay Leno
Experts say traffic deaths are down because the bad economy means more cars are being repossessed, and all the unemployment means we don't have as many people driving to work. So you know what that means? The White House economic plan is also their highway safety plan. –Jay Leno
Michele Bachmann pulled out of the presidential race and I just want to take a moment and say that Michele gave us a lot of material over the last eight months. –Conan O'Brien
In her concession speech, Bachmann said, “I mean what I say." Then she thanked her speech writer, Popeye. –Conan O'Brien
There’s already controversy with the Iowa caucuses. About a half hour ago, they found eight more votes for Al Gore. –David Letterman
So now that Michele O'Bachmann is out, that leaves Mitt Romney with best hairdo. –David Letterman
How about that Rick Santorum? He came in second because he is the anti-Romney. Wait a minute. I thought Mitt Romney was the anti-Romney. –David Letterman
Last night, Rick Perry said was quitting the race. But then this morning, he said he's staying in. Hmm. Going back on his word? Maybe he'd make a good president after all. –Craig Ferguson
They say the day people go back to work after the holidays was the most depressing day of the year. Funny thing. People who don't have jobs are depressed because they don't have one and those of us who do are depressed that we do. –Jimmy Kimmel
According to new poll done by "60 minutes," 2 percent of voters believe that Mitt Romney's real name, his real first name, is Mittens. That's true. If Romney legally changes his name to Mittens, he's got my vote. –Jimmy Kimmel
Dakota Fanning is on the cover of the new Cosmo. She's only 17. To be on the cover of Cosmo, shouldn't you be old enough to drink one? –Jimmy Kimmel
France apparently passed a new law that makes it harder to become a French citizen. Most people just get lazy and give up. At which point they're named a French citizen. –Jimmy Fallon
A 99-year-old man is filing for divorce from his 96-year-old wife, making them the world's oldest divorced couple. It's got to be weird when a divorce lawyer is fighting for your kids to get custody of you. –Jimmy Fallon
A man in Maryland says a flashlight on his iPhone helped save his life after he got lost during a hike. If you think that's cool, this morning the “Angry Birds" app on my iPhone helped save me from three awkward conversations in the elevator. –Jimmy Fallon
The History Channel is planning a new 12-hour miniseries about the evolution of humans. And this is convenient. If you missed the episode on Neanderthals, you can just watch the season premiere of "Jersey Shore" this Thursday at 10:00 p.m. –Jimmy Fallon
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