Here are some jokes from two classic comedians, Jack Benny and George Burns, who were also good friends so it appropriate to post their jokes together:
Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.
Jack Benny
Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
Jack Benny
Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.
Jack Benny
I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.
Jack Benny
I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.
Jack Benny
Modesty is my best quality.
Jack Benny
My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.
Jack Benny
Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.
George Burns
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
George Burns
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
George Burns
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
George Burns
I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
George Burns
I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.
George Burns
I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.
George Burns
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