Here are some funny jokes by Woody Allen:
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
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