Here are some very funny one-liners from Rita Rudner:
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax.
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn't mine.
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
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