Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon and Craig Ferguson:
"In Delaware, former Republican governor Mike Castle was defeated by Sarah Palin favorite Christine O’Donnell. Nobody knows what this woman does for a living, if anything. All we do know is that she's gone on the record to oppose masturbation, for real. I have a feeling Christine O'Donnell opposes masturbation the same way Bristol Palin opposes pre-marital sex." –Jimmy Kimmel
“I'm not a political person. I keep to myself. I’m not one to get involved in these things. I’m not proud to say I'll stand by as our leaders drag us into wars based on false pretenses. I’ll stand by while our oceans are polluted by greedy corporations who only care about money. I'll stand by while our military blatantly discriminates against our own armed forced based on their sexual preferences. But I'll tell you something. When our right to masturbate is threatened, that's where I draw the line. What goes on between me in my own bedroom, and car sometimes, is my business, not the government's. So listen up, Christine O'Donnell -- and Rosie O'Donnell too while we're at it -- we need to send a message to Washington, people. This November, I want everyone who believes in basic human rights to touch themselves in the voting booth. I want to say this to Christine O'Donnell. I want you and your followers to know one thing: you’ll take away this penis when you pry it out of my cold, dead hands." –Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama spoke to students this week and told them to stay focused and stay in school. You know why? Because there are no jobs out there." –Jay Leno
"Democrats are calling Christine O'Donnell 'the Sarah Palin of the East.' Really? She's a loud, emotionally unstable woman from Delaware. That's not Sarah Palin, that's Joe Biden." –Craig Ferguson
"She’s also against masturbation. I'm afraid you lost me now, lady. If she wants to win this November, she may have to change that position." –Craig Ferguson
"In the Delaware Republican U.S. Senate primary, Tea Party candidate Christine O'Donnell won a huge upset. Interesting woman, very conservative. She has come out against masturbation. So not only is she against politicians putting their hands in our pockets, she's against you putting your hands in your own pockets as well." –Jay Leno
"Democratic Congressman Charlie Rangel easily won his primary. He hasn't been this happy since he saved all that money by not paying taxes. " –Jay Leno
"Nancy Pelosi's Republican opponent, John Dennis, has an ad where he depicts Pelosi as the Wicked Witch of the West. Pelosi is very angry and the Wicked Witch is even angrier." –Jay Leno
"A group called the Center for American Progress is using Justin Bieber in their marketing to help get out the vote in November. And really, what better symbol to get out the vote than someone who is way too young to vote and Canadian." –Jay Leno
"New FBI statistics say that crime in the United States fell 5 percent from last year. You see what happens when we put Lindsay Lohan in jail?" –Jimmy Kimmel
"You know things are bad when even criminals can't find work in this country." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Experts say the decrease in crime could be due to the aging of the population, increased incarceration, and many criminals finding jobs in the banking industry and on Wall Street." –Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama is going to release a fun, easy-to-read children's book. It's for ages Biden and up." –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama insisted that the U.S. economy is still showing improvement. And he said you can take that to the bank, if you can find any that are still open." –Jay Leno
"According to a new report, 41 of President Obama's staffers now owe the government more than $831,000 in back taxes. When asked if they could just keep avoiding taxes, they said, 'Yes we can! Yes we can!'" –Jay Leno
"There was no Koran burning on Saturday. Apparently that dopey pastor, Terry Jones, decided not to burn the Koran when he realized the only copy he had was on his Kindle." –Jay Leno
"There was a lot of talk about President Obama not wearing his wedding ring during his press conference on Friday. Boy, the guy spends a couple of hours with Tiger Woods and look what happens." –Jay Leno
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