First and foremost, the thing that no man ever wants to hear his spouse say is the word "little" and reference to his male member in the same sentence. The reference could be very innocent. For example, she should never ever say something like, "How is the little King today?" or "How is the little General?" or "How is our little friend?" This could be said for purposes intended to lead up to sex but it ain't going to happen if you say it like that. Nothing is going to make a man lose his desire or ability to perform more than calling that thing little.
Actually, ladies, if you've already made that mistake, in the future you can't even say something like, "Would you like to have a little sex now?" The association would be too strong with the word little, and again, it ain't gonna happen.
In fact, it could lead to pouting, which will then require extra makeup sex. At least that's how any man worth his salt would play it. (Hopefully I won't be drummed out of the male union here for revealing trade secrets.)
Also, very high on the list would be, "Is it still in?" And, naturally, this is not a reference to bread in the oven or really any other subject than sex right now, because frankly, that is the subject that most men care about anyway. The other one that is equally bad is, "Is it in yet?" I don't even need to elaborate on that.
Branching out a little, another thing no man wants to hear is, "Let's talk about our relationship?" I had covered that one in a recent article, plus it needs no further explanation anyway. Suffice to say it will lead to instant panic, because for one thing, we will actually have to listen now. We can't pretend to listen like we usually do while actually thinking about sports, a business deal, sex or marveling at the size of the turd we just left in the toilet.
Digressing a bit on sex, men like to make jokes after doing it. Actually, men will make jokes out of just about anything. Not to brag, but I have been told I've been funny in bed...Hey, wait a minute!...I just realized when they were laughing it was not at my jokes!
A woman likes to be complimented after sex and told how much their man love them, blah, blah. The man, on the other hand, will probably have said that stuff before the sex, in order to obtain the sex, so now he feels no obligation to further elaborate in that area. Besides, by that time we are normally asleep anyway.
There are things that are said in some relationships that are only specific to their relationships that the man does not want to hear. For example, Larry King never wants to hear his wife say, "Did you just bang my sister again?" Barack Obama would never want his wife to say, "Are you sure you weren't born in Kenya?" Al Gore would not like any of the women he had sex with while married to Tipper to say, "I don't know much about global warming but it's as cold as ice in here." And last of all, Bill Clinton would never want Hillary to open that old wound by saying, "I still don't understand why that dumb bitch, Monica, never washed the dress."
(Next week we'll talk about things men should never say to their spouse...where the real fun starts.)
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