Friday, October 8, 2010

Best Late Night Jokes for the Week - 10/08/10

Here are the best jokes for the week from the late night comedians, including Jay Leno, David Letterman, Jimmy Fallon and Craig Ferguson:

"Christine O'Donnell released a commercial in which she says, 'I'm not a witch.' That's pretty good, though not as effective as her opponent's slogan, 'I'm not Christine O'Donnell.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Cesar Millan, the Dog Whisperer, is criticizing President Obama for not properly training his dog, Bo. Apparently, Bo still doesn't respond to simple commands such as 'sit,' 'stay,' and 'fix the economy.'" –Jimmy Fallon

"Christine O'Donnell is the Senate candidate from Delaware who's against masturbation and has dabbled in witchcraft. She's fighting back against the charges she's a witch with a new ad in which she says, 'I'm not a witch...I'm you.' I don't think this is a good strategy because I'm crazy. I would never vote for me. Besides, it doesn't make any sense. If she's me then she masturbates constantly. And if she's me then that means she can turn herself into other people, which means she's a witch. Quick, to the dunking tank!" –Craig Ferguson

"Christine O'Donnell has a new campaign ad where she says she's not a witch. Nancy Pelosi was furious. She said, 'Hey, that's my slogan.'" –Jay Leno

"Donald Trump may run for president. Is that a good idea? Haven't enough Americans already been told, 'You're fired'?" –Jay Leno

"Well, at least there would be someone in politics with worse hair than Joe Biden." –Jay Leno

"Osama bin Laden keeps releasing audio tapes to show that he's still relevant. Really? Audio tapes? How about an iPod download?" –David Letterman

"The State Department has issued a travel warning. They've warned Rick Sanchez not to travel to Israel." –Jay Leno

"Rick Sanchez was fired after saying that Jews control the media on a satellite radio show. Had he said it on his show on CNN, he wouldn't have been fired because no one would have heard it." –Jay Leno

"We're now in the longest, deepest recession since the Great Depression. When this recession started, Lindsay Lohan was known for her acting." –Jay Leno

"President Obama says the Democrats are waking up. Which is great when you're having a nightmare." –Jay Leno

"A Senate has passed a new bill that requires TV stations to lower the volume level on commercials. This is great, a hundred of the most powerful people in the nation have managed to do the same thing my remote does." –Jimmy Fallon

"The White House has issued an alert for American tourists traveling in Europe over fears of a terror attack. But the joke's on you, terrorists. We can't afford to go to Europe." –Jimmy Fallon

"They say Osama bin Laden is struggling to stay relevant. Welcome to the club. In his latest audio tape, bin Laden is talking about global warming. If he thinks it's hot now, wait until he gets to hell." –David Letterman

"The Senate has decided to limit the volume of TV commercials. Who says Congress doesn't get anything done?" –David Letterman

"President Obama had said if the stimulus bill passed, companies like Caterpillar would hire a lot of Americans. Caterpillar has announced that they are hiring hundreds of workers, in China. And if you call the White House to complain, you get the hotline in India." –Jay Leno

darnfunnyonline.com

Posted via email from darnfunnyonline's posterous

No comments:

Post a Comment