[This week's humor article is two-fold. First there is mine and then a response to it from my girlfriend, Su Falcon (it's true, she is actually willing to put up with me). So make sure you read through to the end.]
When a woman asks her spouse a question about something she considers to be a serious subject the man’s typical response is…"What?" This is usually accompanied by a baffled look.
An example of this would be when she asks him, “Were you looking at that woman’s breasts?” His response would be something like, “What…Noooo, why do you always think I look at every woman’s breast?” If he is using his imagination he will go on the offensive and say, “It’s actually insulting when you ask me that all the time. I’m looking at lots of people. Just because I happen to notice something about a woman does not mean I’m looking at her breasts.”
He is, of course, lying. But, in his defense it’s not a total lie because he really is only looking at the women with big breasts. Also, some men are more partial to a woman’s legs or ass, so it’s not always their breasts. We’re not that one dimensional and shallow.
Before I go further, this is not all men that I’m talking about here, but the typical man. For example, I don’t do anything like that and I want to make that especially clear to my girlfriend who will be reading this and actually writing a rebuttal to it.
Very often, though, we men just really do not have any idea what the woman is talking about. For instance, when a woman asks the man, “When we got together, why did you want to be with me?” This is a very loaded question and the answer can be wrong, and probably will be wrong, no matter how much thought we put into it. And by putting thought into it I’m referring to answering while engrossed in sports on TV and simultaneously throwing snacks down our throats.
Here is the perfect example of where lying, or shall I say stretching the truth, could be a very pro-survival thing. If you told her she just happened to be the next woman you saw after you broke up with your last girlfriend the results could be fatal.
Another one is her asking, “How about if we spend some time tonight, just you and I, talking about our relationship?” The man answers, “What…Why?” (See reference to baffled look in the first paragraph.)
There are an infinite variation to these type of questions, which leads me to the real point of this article. Women are always trying to get men to think! We just don’t like to do that very much. It doesn’t come natural to us. When one man asks another man to do something that, to a woman would appear to be a notoriously stupid act, we don’t think about it, we just do it. We are the hunters, the survivors, the doers! Oh sure, we regret it later but at least we didn’t waste time thinking about it in the first place.
In summary, we’ve all heard the saying, women, ya gotta love ‘em. Well that’s actually true. Unless you are gay, women are all there is. There is no third sex. So it’s actually a literal statement!
I believe I’ve clearly established the superiority of the male intellect here. Yet my girlfriend, Su, has insisted after reading some of my past articles (she used the word claptrap, I believe) on the differences between the male and female of the species, that she would like to write a rebuttal. What the heck, I’ve already noted that “ya gotta love ‘em. So over to you, Su. (OMG, I wasn’t even trying to rhyme there, so add natural poet to the man’s list of skills!)
Rebuttal by Su Falcon
First off, I would never use a word like “claptrap.” Nonsense, rubbish, even drivel, but never claptrap. I hate when men put words in my mouth. (Must have been that woman with big breasts who said “claptrap.” Wishful thinking on Steve’s part.)
(Steve's side note: "What?"...followed by the baffled look.)
Second, I would never say, “Let’s spend some time together tonight talking about our relationship.” I am all about diving in without warning. Preemptive strike.
Otherwise, I agree with Steve. Men don’t think. Most females over the age of five know this. Men make no effort to disguise this. And frankly, if you meet a man who does connive to the degree that a woman does, run for the hills, he’s probably a politician.
No, it’s a man’s simplicity that I find appealing. After a hard day of solving the world’s dilemmas over coffee with your girlfriends, it’s utterly refreshing. For example, I came up with a scheme for establishing peace in the Middle East—a simple three-step plan: 1. Teach all women to read, 2. Give them all Facebook pages, 3. Give them guns. Things would calm down pretty quickly—one way or another. Men just don’t get politics. But they’re very good at taking out the trash… uh, Steve?
(Another side note by Steve: I'll say it again, women, ya gotta love 'em.)
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