You would think since it is only a week from the election that I would be writing about that but I am so sick of hearing the Obama rhetoric from the Democratic candidates that I couldn’t write a whole article about politics. It is pretty evident the change Obama has promised ain’t gonna happen, in fact, I’m pretty sure at this point he can’t even change his underwear, unlike Bill Clinton, who likely changed his frequently, if he ever bothered to wear them at all.
Anyway, instead of politics let’s talk about something way, way more exciting, punctuation! Now I have your interest!! And to do that darnfunnyonline (DFOL) is going to interview the “Princess of Punctuation” (POP). She is all things to commas, periods (not the kind that woman are relieved to have when they are not trying to get pregnant) and all that is grammatical.
DFOL: Hello, Princess. It’s very, nice to have you here.
POP: I hope you know you added an unnecessary comma to that sentence, not to mention the infinity of errors you made in the first two paragraphs. For example, “ain’t” and “gonna” ain’t actually words…ha-ha…little grammatical humor there.
DFOL: Yes, well…
POP: Why don’t we just make up a new language, and, punctuate, like, this,?
DFOL: Now you’re just being sarcastic.
POP: DUH!
DFOL: I hope you know that’s not a real word.
POP: OH shut up! Let’s talk some grammar here. Have you ever diagrammed a sentence?
DFOL: Uh…not sure what you mean. I’m guessing you are not talking about drawing pictures around a sentence, are you?
POP: Oh my god! You did go to school didn’t you? (Oh, come on, man. You just forgot a comma after “school” in my dialog.)
DFOL: Sorry…
POP: I bet you are one of those guys that doesn’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”.
DFOL: Not sure what your getting at.
POP: (Screaming) AAAHHHHHHHH!!!
DFOL: Since you are here, maybe you could clear up the difference between “lose” and “loose”
POP: Sure, I’ll put it in words that will have true meaning to you. “Loose” is what I suspect the women are like that would hang out with a guy like you and “lose” is what you’ve done with your mind.
DFOL: Um… thanks for clearing that up.
POP: Would you like me to go over the difference between “loser” and “looser”?
DFOL: Nah, that’s okay…Can we maybe cover the difference between the words they’re, there and their?
POP: Sure, if you are such a moron that you don’t already know we can do that?
DFOL: On second thought it’s not necessary…are we going to talk about, I don’t know, maybe conjugating verbs, or dangling participles or subjects and predicates?
POP: …You have no idea what any of those are, do you?
DFOL: Not a clue.
POP: Then no.
DFOL: Okay then. I guess that’s the end of this interview.
If you see someone riding off into the sunset on their high horse that will be the Princess of Punctuation.
“I heard that. I'm still in the building,” said the Princess.
Whatever… Even though she wasn’t the most cooperative person I think we learned a few things today. I know I did. When you are writing it’s important to not get too intense and stay lose or your likely to be looked on as a looser. And that, ain’t, gonna, help, anybody, so their you go.
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