The November election is almost here and I can’t wait. Not because I’m so excited to vote, I just want it to be over so that there aren’t political commercials coming on during a football game when there should be beer commercials.
Budweiser makes really good commercials and even though I don’t drink beer, it’s way more fun seeing the Clydesdale horses or semi-naked women than it is hearing politicians saying negative stuff about their opponents.
I’m reading more and more stories about incumbents who won’t make themselves available to the reporters because they are afraid they’ll say something stupid and blow the election. Elections are becoming more and more something to not lose rather than something to win. I can just picture the majority of the incumbents laying in a corner of their office in the fetal position with their hands over their ears and yelling, “Wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa,” hoping election day passes and their assistants will get them to shut up for a minute and tell them they won. They won’t be telling them that but they can at least hope.
Harry Reid is known for making malapropisms. It’s like he is the Norm Crosby of politicians except that he isn’t being funny he is just being stupid. And this is the guy running the Senate.
Then there is the other kind of politician, who is really only good at one thing, which is getting elected, Barack Obama, for example. Man, can that guy talk and if you give him a teleprompter he can talk longer than Al Gore can be boring…well, maybe not.
Bill Clinton was another one in that category but I have to admit he was good at more than one thing. Actually, I can’t attest that he was good at it but he was sure good at finding women to do it with him.
Now that I think of it there are a lot of politicians who are good at many things, unfortunately, most of them are either illegal or immoral or both.
Not that politicians were ever a higher class of citizen but these guys in Congress would make Honest Abe Lincoln turn over in his grave. Oh, guess what? He did turn over and he woke up enough to be interviewed by darnfunnyonline (DFOL) for this article:
DFOL: Hi, Abe.
Abe: Don’t say hi, It makes me think of the drugged state most of these yahoo politicians are must be in these days.
DFOL: I understand. What do you think the biggest problem is in politics today?
Abe: That’s like asking why Bill Clinton would be unfaithful to Hillary, there are just so many reason.
DFOL: Have you heard Donald Trump is going to run for President. For myself I’m excited from a comedy standpoint, but then again there are only so many hair jokes you can come up with.
Abe: It’ll be a good thing if he does get elected. Maybe he can fire some of the bums in their now.
DFOL: What do you think of Obama’s economic policies?
Abe: I don’t think you can call them policies. I think he could do better if he just looked for loose change under the sofa cushions.
DFOL: What would you do if you were President now?
Abe: Well, I’m thinking I’d like to pick out the worst of the guys in Congress and invite them to see a play with me at Ford’s Theater in Washington.
DFOL: That might be a little extreme. What else you got?
Abe: I think I’d get everybody off to a fresh start and lighten the mood by throwing a nice tea party.
DFOL: That sounds like a plan…
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