Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, David Letterman and Craig Ferguson:
"A new poll found that 41 percent of Americans don't know who the Vice President is. In reponse, Joe Biden was like, "All right, at least give me a hint." –Jimmy Fallon
"In an interview on MSNBC, Levi Johnston said he has no idea if additional troops will help the war in Afghanistan. Which of course begs the question, who the hell is asking Levi Johnston about strategy for Afghanistan." –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama has listed the songs on his iPod. The Tea Partiers are checking to see if 'Born in the USA' is on the list." –Jimmy Fallon
"Rahm Emanuel is leaving the Obama administration. He wants to become mayor of Chicago. If you're mayor of Chicago, that means you report directly to Oprah." –David Letterman
"President Obama said today that education is the key to our economic turnaround. He said once Americans start getting smarter, the economy will start to improve. So you know what that means: we are screwed." –Jay Leno
"President Obama said today that change is hard. You think it's hard now? Wait until the House changes in November." –Jay Leno
"Christine O'Donnell was caught lying about her educational background. She may not believe in pleasuring herself, but she thought her resume needed massaging." –Craig Ferguson
"President Obama has written a children's book. Why not? He's got nothing else on his plate." –David Letterman
"Obama's book is called 'The One-Term Engine That Could.'" –David Letterman
"Vice President Joe Biden lashed out at fellow Democrats. He said that those Democrats that didn't get what they wanted should just 'buck up.' Of course, Joe Biden has 'bucked up' a number of times." –Jay Leno
"The United Nations is appointing an official space alien greeter to meet and greet any aliens that may visit Earth in the future. Well, how does this make Mexican people coming to America feel?" –Jay Leno
"While in New York City, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad met with Louis Farrakhan. I'm not sure where they met, but I think we can rule out the Carnegie Deli." –Jay Leno
"During a trip next month, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says he's planning to throw a rock at Israel. And today, Israel introduced its newest defense weapon: paper." –Jimmy Fallon
"After a lot of speculation, the Chinese government has decided not to change its one-child policy next year. In a related story, China just renewed its most popular show, 'Jon & Kate Plus One and That's It.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"In a new interview with Rolling Stone magazine, President Obama said he has Stevie Wonder, Bob Dylan, and the Rolling Stones on his iPod. Unfortunately, the question was 'Do you have a plan to fix the economy?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"At the UN, President Obama called on other countries to help us track down and eliminate radicals and extremists. But they told Obama, 'Hey, the tea party is your problem, buddy.'" –Jay Leno
"These Tea Party groups are very conservative. In fact, 58 percent of Tea Party members now believe Joe Biden is a Muslim." –Jay Leno
"In the book, they talk about bitter arguments, personality conflicts, and power struggles. And that's just with Obama's mother-in-law." –David Letterman
"On the 'Today' show, President Obama said he supports having a longer school year. In response, Sasha and Malia announced they support Sarah Palin." –Jimmy Fallon
No comments:
Post a Comment