Here are some of the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman, Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Kimmel:
"President Obama's approval rating, which got a bump after killing bin Laden, has slipped again. Which is really bad news — not for the president, for Moammar Gaddafi." –Jay Leno
"You know what Arnold Schwarzenegger and Meg Whitman have in common? They both got in trouble for stiffing the maid." –Jay Leno
"Schwarzenegger secretly fathered a child outside of his marriage 10 years ago. He told his wife at the time but it took 10 years for her to figure out what he was saying." –Conan O'Brien
"Arnold kept the child secret for 10 years. So maybe he is a good actor after all." –Conan O'Brien
"They found a massive stash of porn in Osama bin Laden's compound. Right now CIA agents are screening the pornography carefully, frame by frame, looking for clues." –David Letterman
"Donald Trump announced that he is not running for president. He would rather spend his time making Gary Busey sell Snapple on the street." –David Letterman
"Trump won't run for president. I'm thinking this could be the beginning of another comedy recession." –David Letterman
"The Navy SEALs found a massive stash of porn in Osama bin Laden's bedroom. Must have been tricky. It's hard enough to hide porn from one wife." –Craig Ferguson
"I guess 'love child' is a nicer term than 'OK-Maria's-asleep child.' The woman was an employee. I'm not sure what she did, but I think she worked on Arnold's staff." –Craig Ferguson
"I don't know that 'love child' is an accurate term. I'd call it an 'oh crap' child." –Jimmy Kimmel on Arnold Schwarzenegger having a child with his maid 10 years ago
"I mean – when he came out of the womb and snapped his own umbilical chord – you'd think that would be a sign." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Donald Trump is not running for president. This is devastating news for Trump's supporters — all of whom are late night comedians." –Conan O'Brien
"Both Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump have announced they will not run for president. Huckabee's announcement opens the door for Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum, and Trump's announcement opens the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey." –Conan O'Brien
"They found so much porn at Bin Laden's compound that they're investigating whether the porn was used to send coded messages. So remember guys, from now on when your lady catches you, you're not looking at porn, you're analyzing coded messages. 'Honey, I wasn't looking at porn. I'm in Al Qaeda.'" –Conan O'Brien
"Two days after the raid on Osama bin Laden, Disney trademarked the name, 'SEAL Team 6.' They also renamed their most popular ride, 'It's a Small World — and We Will Find Where You're Hiding and Kill You.'" –Conan O'Brien
"The United States has hit the debt ceiling. Do you know what that means? Neither do I. I do think it would be wise for all of us to learn to speak Chinese." –David Letterman
"As an American, I am relieved that Donald Trump is not running for president. But as a vulgar late night entertainer, I feel a certain amount of regret." –Craig Ferguson
"Trump is out, and Mike Huckabee is out. At this point, the only person that could derail President Obama's re-election is Joe Biden." –Craig Ferguson
"Disney is trademarking the phrase 'SEAL Team 6,' after the team that took down Osama bin Laden. Yeah, cause when they shot bin Laden, captured his wives and found his porn, I was like, 'This would make a great Disney movie.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg turned 27 this weekend. At his party it was fun to reconnect with old friends, but then everybody’s parents showed up and made it weird." –Jimmy Fallon
"Newt Gingrich is running and just came out with his new book: 'The Adultery of Hope.'" –Jay Leno
"Donald Trump says that he will not run for president. You know why? He can't find his birth certificate." –Jay Leno
"To save money, Washington state has canceled next year's presidential primaries. If we could just get the other 49 states to do this, the candidates wouldn't have anywhere to campaign and we would have the best election year ever." –Jay Leno
"The French head of the International Monetary Fund was arrested in New York for sexually assaulting a hotel maid. Or as the French call it, room service." –Jay Leno
"There's talk of a new "Mad Max" movie, where gas is so expensive people steal and kill to get it. It takes place in the future ... like July." –Jay Leno
Arnold Schwarzenegger admitted that he fathered a child with a member of his household staff. The woman’s husband became suspicious when he realized she was the first maid to make $1 million a year. –Jay Leno
Arnold kept this secret for more than 10 years. You know how he did it? He moved the woman and child into an apartment right down the street from the Pakistani military academy. –Jay Leno
A woman in California is in trouble for injecting her 8-year-old daughter with Botox. The daughter is the first kid in history that made a face and it really did get stuck that way. –Conan O’Brien
A new app lets you get items at 7-Eleven without cash or a credit card. The app is known as a gun. –Conan O’Brien
Trump says that NBC talked him into staying. That’s funny because I had just the opposite experience. –David Letterman
Al-Qaida has a new leader. Experts are calling him a temporary leader — and so is SEAL Team 6. –David Letterman
It’s quite a success story for the new leader. He worked his way up all the way from the mail bomb room. –David Letterman
Today is “National Visit Your Relatives Day!” Or as Arnold Schwarzenegger put it, “Better make it two days.” –Jimmy Fallon
McDonald’s is changing the recipe of its grilled chicken sandwich to give it quote “a more neutral flavor profile.” I’m getting hungry just hearing the words, “neutral flavor profile.” –Jimmy Fallon
McDonald’s actually said they want their chicken sandwich to taste less Italian. Which is why today, they hired the head chef from the Olive Garden. –Jimmy Fallon
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