Monday, March 29, 2010

Quotes From Comedian Fred Allen

Here are some jokes from Fred Allen, a comedian from the George Burns, Jack Benny era of comedy:

A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.

An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.

Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.

I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.

I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.

I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.

The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.

You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.

darnfunnyonline.com

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