Here are some jokes by comedian Mitch Hedberg.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap. An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience.Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set.
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
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