I love dogs and have several through my life. But as with anything you really love they can also be a great source of humor:
I don’t know why they call a dog man’s best friend. I have never had a friend over to my house and then he peed on my carpet.
When he was a puppy he would wet the carpet so much instead of bringing my slippers he’d bring me my goulashes.
He’s a good watch dog, unfortunately all he watches out for is female dogs in heat.
The mailman complained to me that my dog was always trying to bite him in the ass. I said it could be worse. Just be happy the dog’s not gay…
Sometimes my dog irritates me. He likes to sleep right in the middle of the bed between me and my wife. Not only is he ruining our sex life, but when I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night he likes to rub it in by humping my leg.
I never had much luck training dogs. We were out for a walk and I said to him ”heel”. He looked at me offended, and said “asshole.”
People complain about working like a dog. I don’t see the problem there. My dog sleeps most of the day, gets to eat and not clean up after himself, and he gets his crotch licked any time he wants it.
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