Many experienced a long hard winter this year which makes us all look forward to the spring months. Tiger Woods and John Edwards also had very difficult winters for different reasons but they too are looking forward to April, May and June, but for privacy sake I won’t reveal April , May or June’s last names here.
Spring is an exciting time because it marks a new beginning of things. For Eric Massa, the recently resigned member of Congress, it represents the need to get a new career after being accused of being gay and groping a male assistant. He said it was tickling and not groping and maybe the public could have forgotten about if that was all there was to it (he is a Congressman, after all.) The thing that really blew his cover though was after the tickling he also took the guy clothes shopping and then to a Broadway musical.
With the advent of spring President Obama is thinking of a fresh start as well. After bombing out on his first year in office he figures the “hope and change” slogan may have worn a little thin so he is reworking the slogan to “pray for a change in the public’s opinion of me”. It is not quite as catchy but something he definitely needs.
When Obama first came into office he was all Wizard of Oz-ish. But after the first year he is now looking at his dog and saying, “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” A new spring and a fresh beginning is just what the doctor ordered so in order to achieve that he is now telling the public to “ignore the man behind the curtain.” I guess he figures that worked for Dick Cheney for 8 years with President Bush, so it’s worth a shot.
If that doesn’t work he can try something new like setting a deadline for Congress to pass the Obamacare bill. Oh, wait…that’s not new, so forget that one.
Spring break has many connotations for many people. For some it means a quiet vacation. For Congress, being the power-crazed, trying to recapture their youth, old farts that they are, it probably means partying at a Florida beach resort. Think congressmen in bathing suits, that’s enough right there to not get them re-elected. Just imagine the taxpayer expense of getting them and all their aides to Florida. (Remember there will probably be unlimited “tickling” going on at their spring break.) I’m sure they would consider it tremendous for the economy with all the jobs that they would be creating.
I can just envision the conversation between two congressmen on the beach:
(They see some attractive bikini clad college girls walk by)
Congressman #1: If they put a few perks like that is the health care bill I bet we’d get it passed.
Congressman #2: Whoa, talk about too big to fail.
Then all of a sudden a congressman runs by wearing Speedos with his full man breast flopping in the wind as he chases his female aide (not all congressman are gay.) Just then former Congressman Massa walks up and sees the scene. To him the Speedos clad man and his man breasts are in slow motion like a “Baywatch” preview.
Massa: Wow! If that’s not a stimulus package I don’t know what is.
With that thought maybe its best if spring never actually does arrive and let’s hope Congress passes a law that none of them can ever go onto the beach.
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