Here are David Letterman's Top Ten lists from last week, always funny:
Top Ten Signs Your Local News Team Is Drunk
10.Whenever somebody says "Obama," they all do a shot of Jager
9.As temperatures drop, so do the weatherman's pants
8.Trouble pronouncing "gubernatorial"
7.Cool news theme replaced with Grand Funk Railroad's greatest hits
6.Constantly shouting "Our top story: I'm effin' wasted!"
5.Can barely hear the news over the sound of the blender
4.Business attire replaced with hilarious "It's happy hour somewhere" T-shirts
3.Program interrupted by delivery of party ice
2.Its just 30 minutes of horseplay
1.Anchorman and anchorwoman strip naked and play "This just in"
Top Ten Messages Left On Rod Blagojevich's Answering Machine
10.Hey, it's Conrad Murray. 14 years? I didn't get that for murder
9.This is your hairstylist. Make sure to condition after each delousing
8.Do you want the cell closer to the espresso machine or jacuzzi?
7.Congratulations, I hear you're going to Vail. Wait, nevermind
6.Hey, it's your cell mate. Do you like the top or bottom?
5.Sorry, I must have the wrong number. I was trying to reach Todd Blagojevich
4.Hey, it's Dave. Tonight's Top Ten List is about you. Nice work
3.It's 2011, why do you still have an answering machine?
2.This is President Obama. I'm granting you a full pardon. Nah, I'm just screwing with you
1.It's the warden. The inmates are asking how much you want for your seat
Top Ten Ways The Super Earth Is Different From Earth
10.It's 2.4 times the size of Earth, or roughly the size of Regis Philbin's wallet
9.Every Tuesday is Ladies Night
8.Waffles even more delicious
7.The whole planet? Free WiFi
6.Most popular funk band: Super Earth, Wind, and Fire
5.On this planet Oates has the mustache; on that planet, Hall has the mustache
4.Most popular insult: "What, were you born on regular Earth?"
3.No designated hitter
2.Has creamy caramel center
1.If you think Oprah's great, wait until you meet Super Oprah
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