Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Craig Ferguson and David Letterman:
"On Thursday Hosni Mubarak said he would not leave Egypt until he was dead. On Friday the crowd said, 'Deal!' So he fled." –Jay Leno
"First lady Michelle Obama told 'Regis & Kelly' she was expecting jewelry on Valentine's Day. She said it wouldn't be anything extravagant because Barack tends to be responsible when he's spending his own money." –Jay Leno
"Facebook is looking into buying Twitter for around $10 billion. If all goes as planned, the company hopes to combine the two companies, creating the biggest waste of time the world has ever seen." –Jay Leno
"Breast feeding activists plan to descend on Washington for a public breast feeding demonstration. Also descending on Washington, thousands of men saying, "What? I'm looking at the baby." –Conan O'Brien
"Former Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak is thinking of moving to Los Angeles. Before you get him a roommate, just know that he's really hard to evict." –Conan O'Brien
"Hosni Mubarak reportedly didn't understand the Internet and social networking. That may be true, but somehow he figured out how to wire $80 billion to Switzerland." –David Letterman
"The New York Times says new cars will no longer be equipped with cassette players. Come on, it's 2011. People still read newspapers?" –Jimmy Fallon
"Donald Trump said that he's not a fan of George W. Bush because he 'gave us Obama.' When he heard this, Bush was like, 'Oh my gosh. I'm Obama's dad?'" –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama unveiled his new budget, including $1 trillion in spending cuts, which Obama called the most painful choice he's ever made. Then he looked over at Joe Biden and said, 'OK, 2nd most painful choice.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Egyptian officials say that Hosni Mubarak is going through a 'severe psychological condition.' It's called 'getting dumped a week before Valentine's Day.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Representative Chris Lee was forced to resign after sending a shirtless picture of himself to a woman on Craigslist. On the bright side, he did surprise his wife for Valentines Day." –Conan O'Brien
"This is the start of New York's Fashion Week. I just talked with N.Y. Congressman Chris Lee, and the told me shirts are totally out this season. He was married and looking for dates on Craigslist by sending shirtless photos of himself. He listed his marital status as divorced. But in fairness, he's about to be." –Jimmy Fallon
"Egypt's President Mubarak finally resigned. When they heard that a Muslim president stepped down, the Tea Party said, 'Obama's leaving?'" –Jay Leno
"Keith Olbermann has a new job on Al Gore's Current TV as an investigative reporter. His job will be to find anyone that watches Current TV." –Jay Leno
It’s the 40th anniversary of the War on Drugs. Today, California surrendered. –Jay Leno
Forty years since the War on Drugs began. This makes Charlie Sheen our most decorated veteran. –Jay Leno
History was made at the Westminster dog show when one of the finalists was a dog from China. The dog listed his proudest accomplishment as not being eaten. –Conan O’Brien
Big Bird appeared on Capitol Hill to appeal for more funding for PBS. Apparently, times are so bad for Big Bird that he had to rent his egg to Lady Gaga. - Conan O’Brien
Borders has filed for bankruptcy. Now, creditors can’t collect debts from Borders, but they can duck in any time to use its bathroom. - Conan O’Brien
A pizza parlor has been closed after police found more than $1 million in marijuana there. Police became suspicious when they promised delivery in 30 days or less. - Conan O’Brien
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