Here are the very best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson:
"The Republican presidential candidates will have a debate at the Reagan Library. They were going to have it at the George W. Bush Library but they couldn't fit all eight of them in the bouncy house." –Conan O'Brien
"People are saying that Rick Perry is really tough because he has executed over 200 people. And that was just while he was on vacation in Florida." –Conan O'Brien
"The oil industry said if they were allowed to drill more, they could create over a million new jobs. Of course most of those jobs would be cleaning oil off ducks." –Conan O'Brien
"To give an idea of how bad the economy is, the NFL had to borrow the quarter for the coin toss from China. And they want it back." –Conan O'Brien
"In Iowa Sarah Palin ran a half marathon and came in second place. Of course no one saw her do it, because she refused to tell anyone she was running." –Conan O'Brien
"Homeland Security says you may no longer have to remove your shoes when you fly. Welcome to the golden age of travel." –David Letterman
"Dick Cheney says Hillary Clinton would have made a better president than Barack Obama. Then he got back in his coffin." –David Letterman
"Michele Bachmann is dropping rapidly in the polls. If she loses 3 more points she goes on 'Dancing with the Stars.'" –David Letterman
"President Obama's approval rating is very low. But then again, his disapproval rating is very high, so there's a silver lining." –Jimmy Kimmel
"In what other job are you forced to hear how much people don't like you three times a week?" –Jimmy Kimmel
"During the Republican debate, every time they mentioned Ronald Reagan, I ate a jelly bean. And now I have type 2 diabetes." –Jimmy Kimmel
"This is the first debate Rick Perry has participated in since he announced his candidacy. Perry is a mix between George W. Bush and Yosemite W. Sam." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Sarah Palin ran an unannounced half marathon in Iowa. Wait, did she run a half marathon or run half a marathon and quit? Is there anything Sarah Palin can’t do half of?" –Jimmy Kimmel
"The Republican debate got pretty heated. They spent most of their time arguing over who God called first." –Jay Leno
"Michele Bachmann said that if she is elected president, she would consider eliminating the Department of Education because 'the states could do a gooder job.'" –Jay Leno
"President Obama will give a big speech on job preservation – I mean job creation." –Jay Leno
"The speech will be translated into Spanish and Chinese so that the people who have our jobs can understand." –Jay Leno
"Ford is building a new plant that will create 5,000 jobs in India. Or as Obama put it, 'You've got to be kidding me!'" –Jimmy Fallon
"The NFL season kicks off Thursday night right here on NBC, right after the season finale of President Obama." –Jay Leno
"Obama will give a speech on job growth. I don't think it will be a big speech." –Jay Leno
"According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we'll never get there." –Jay Leno
"Mitt Romney revealed a 59-point job plan at a big auto dealership. That shows you how smart Romney is. He knows that a politician only looks honest when he's standing next to a car salesman." –Jay Leno
"One of President Obama's speech writers quit his job to pursue his dream of writing comedy. So now, he's a speech writer for Michele Bachmann." –Conan O'Brien
"According to a report, the Post Office could go out of business this winter. On the bright side, the Post Office won't receive the report in the mail for another two years." –Conan O'Brien
"The Los Angeles Dodgers may be bought by Chinese investors. Finally, something China is not going to win at." –Conan O'Brien
"Labor Day is when Americans take three days off from looking for work." –David Letterman
"In a new interview, Joe Biden says the one thing he hates about his job is not getting to drive his 1967 Corvette. Yeah, Biden's Corvette is pretty sweet – cherry red finish, shiny chrome rims, fully-charged remote control." –Jimmy Fallon
"A town in Arizona wants to have its own version of Spain's running of the bulls. Right. If there's one thing Arizona is missing it's thousands of Spanish-speaking people running for their lives." –Jimmy Fallon
"For most Americans, Labor Day means a 3-day weekend, but for 9.1 percent of Americans, it's been a 12-month weekend." –Jay Leno
"New statistics show the U.S. economy added 0 jobs in August. The White House cautioned Americans not to read too much into those numbers. What numbers?" –Jay Leno
"Our guests on the show are Dick Cheney and Carrot Top. That's what happens when you let Match.com pick the guests." –Jay Leno
"Apparently, Mitt Romney is planning to build a huge addition onto his beach house in California. And here's the cool part: They're using the same wood that they used to build Mitt Romney." –Jimmy Fallon
"I read that a man from Illinois discovered $150,000 in his garden. Did you hear that, President Obama? A man from Illinois actually grew the economy." –Jimmy Fallon
"A woman in Alaska punched a bear in the face after it threatened her dog. Or as Sarah Palin put it, 'Teach me, sensei.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"After Labor Day, you're supposed to put away your white clothes. I hope someone tells Moammar Gadhafi it would be bad to wave the white flag today." –Craig Ferguson
"Some jobs are growing: health care, solar technology and translating for our soon-to-be Chinese overlords." –Craig Ferguson
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