Here are the funniest jokes of the week from the late night comedians:
"Next week, the president of China will be at the White House. And good news — he has no plans to foreclose." –Jay Leno
"Well, give you an idea how important this visit is from the Chinese president, I understand Joe Biden is busy learning some Chinese curse words." –Jay Leno
"And in a major reversal of U.S. policy, President Obama has narrowed the conditions under which we would use nuclear weapons. He said we'd only use them against Iran, North Korea or Fox News." –Jay Leno
"The government says the economy is bouncing back. So now we can go back to making cars nobody wants. That will be good." –David Letterman
"And they've been talking about the iPad for months, maybe years. I'm telling you, it took longer for the iPad to come out than it did Ricky Martin." –David Letterman
"Experts believe the iPad will revolutionize the way people procrastinate." –David Letterman
"Tiger Woods will play his first golf tournament in five months, and his first tournament in six years without lipstick on his lucky underwear." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Sunday was the big White House Easter egg hunt. Of course, the Catholic priests didn't have time to hide eggs, they were too busy hiding each other." –Jay Leno
"As you know, the Roman Catholic Church continues to be rocked by this sex abuse crisis. In fact, they're thinking of changing their name to the Roman Polanski Catholic Church." –Jay Leno
"President Obama has come out with a new policy for using nuclear weapons. In a related story, Joe Biden said he would try not to drop the F-bomb so often." –Jay Leno
"The iPad has only been out for a few days and it has revolutionized the publishing industry. You can download books, you can read them and store them, and for religious fundamentalists, there's a new app that lets you burn them." –Jimmy Kimmel
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