Here are some funny quotes from comedian, Tim Allen:
Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
Men are liars. We'll lie about lying if we have to. I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive. Men are pigs. Too bad we own stuff. My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. Never comment on a woman's rear end. Never use the words "large" or "size" with "rear end." Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me. While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously. Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon. Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work, or prison.
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