Here are the best jokes for the week from the late night comedians. Including Jay Leno, David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon (but mostly Jay.)
"Well, the government said today Somali pirates being held in U.S. custody will be brought to the United States for prosecution, and they will be tried by a jury of their peers. So I'm guessing that's what, Goldman Sachs?" –Jay Leno
"A new study shows that fewer and fewer immigrants are sending money they earn here back home. They'd like to, but there's no one left at home. They all live here now. They just send it across the street." –Jay Leno
"This is rather disturbing. A government panel made up of all retired military personnel says that the school lunches are a threat to our national security because they make our kids too fat to serve the country. It's unbelievable. Remember the old days, when the Army wanted the best and the brightest? Now they're stuck with the biggest and the widest." –Jay Leno
"Here's something great. General Motors today paid back all the government loans five years ahead of schedule. Amazing what hard work, careful planning and Toyotas rolling over and crashing into trees can do for you." –Jay Leno
"And unemployment here in California, over 12 percent now. Give you an idea how bad it is, you know the best way to make money in California now? Marrying and divorcing Larry King." –Jay Leno
"For those of you visiting from Iceland, happy Ash Wednesday." –Jay Leno
"The British government sent a warship to France to bring home stranded Britons. There was an embarrassing moment — when the ship pulled up to the port, the French immediately surrendered." –Jay Leno
"The volcano was spewing out so much ash that now, the Catholic Church is saying it couldn't even see what it was doing wrong." –Jay Leno
"Because of the volcano, the airlines lost $2 billion. Usually, all they lose is my luggage." –David Letterman
"The giant cloud of ash over Amsterdam is so bad that you can't even see the giant cloud of hashish." –Jay Leno
"According to a top Iranian cleric, earthquakes and volcanoes are caused by women wearing immodest clothing. Or as most guys would call it: a fair trade-off." –Jay Leno
"President Obama and some prominent Democrats proposed a solution to the erupting volcano — they want to pour money into it." –Jay Leno
"A town in Tennessee elected a dead man as its mayor. Finally, a politician who won't cheat on his wife." –Jimmy Fallon
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