Since I knew I was getting an income tax refund this year I filed my taxes early. In the true form of the IRS they screwed up. But this time they messed up in reverse and paid me more money than I was supposed to get. So now they want that extra money back. In the letter requesting the money they paraphrased our Vice President and said, “This is a big f------g deal if you don’t send our money back.”
Okay, they didn’t actually say that. But they did say I have ten days to return it or they’ll charge interest. What I haven’t told them yet is that I’m going to charge them a 25% holding fee for watching out for their money for them, another 25% early withdrawal from my account fee, another 25% nuisance fee, and , lastly, a 25% “big f-----g deal” fee ( aka, f--k- up fee.) So, I will write them back with that note and say, “Call it even?”
I was “thrilled” to find out that the IRS is going to be entrusted (this is probably the first time entrusted and IRS was ever used in the same sentence) with enforcing the financial parts of the new healthcare bill that team Obama has thrust upon us. It’s not enough that they’ve screwed up our finances for so many years now they are going to screw up our health as well. And how many heart attacks will it cause when people see a letter in their mailbox from the IRS about healthcare? But it’s okay, because it’ll be covered.
As a side note, I have to comment on Joe Biden and his infamous quote this past week. That had to be the ultimate kiss up, brown nosing, ass kissingest thing I have ever seen. Did he think Obama didn’t know it was significant that he had to whisper it in his ear after he introduced him. Does he think Obama can fire him? It’s not like it matters if Obama kicks him off the ticket in 2012, he’s not getting re-elected anyway. But even if they are both out of work then they will still have healthcare…oops! That will be repealed too. (Excuse that rant of mine. That was just a side benefit I get from writing the article.)
Back to the IRS. If my plan noted above doesn’t work out I already have my telephone conversation with them all mocked up:
IRS Agent: Mr. Yeich, we got your note but you’re still going to have to pay us back.
Me: Sorry, I already spent it on my healthcare insurance.
IRS Agent: Yeah. We still want our money.
Me: How about if I just walk around the neighborhood and give one dollar to every family until the money runs out. Our current administration wants to spread the wealth anyway, doesn’t it? This just leave out the middle man.
IRS Agent: Mr. Yeich, you don’t seem to get the severity of the situation.
(This is where I borrow a line from Anthony Hopkins, in “Silence of the Lambs”, paraphrased slightly to suit my needs here)
Me: (Coldly) An IRS Agent tried to test me once. I ate his liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
IRS Agent: (Nervously) Let’s just forget about this silly money. Have a nice day.
Okay, I admit the conversation probably won’t go that way and I’ll just quietly pay the money back, but a guy can fantasize, can’t he?
As a disclaimer, I’d like to say that all of the above was for entertainment purposes (mostly mine) and that I have the utmost respect for the all of the IRS and, in fact, all government agents. (All IRS and other government agents please ignore the loud laughter you hear in the background, that’s me laughing at the disclaimer…Geez, it’s not a big f-----g deal.)
No comments:
Post a Comment