Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including, Jay Leno, Jimmy Fallon, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson:
"The White House said that President Obama will not focus on full-time campaigning for a long time. Yeah, he wants to wait a year or two before he gets serious about it — just like he did with being president." –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama is going to seek reelection. His slogan this time? "Change you can believe in. This time I promise. Really." –Jay Leno
"While covering the war in Libya Geraldo Rivera was shot at by Khadafy’s forces. See, you never hear about the good things Gaddafi does." –Jay Leno
"Half a million women employees are suing Wal-Mart claiming men are better paid. Wal-Mart hired a bunch of female lawyers to defend them because they thought they could get them cheaper." –Jay Leno
"Scientists are saying that the Ozone Layer over the Arctic has shrunk a record 40%. Now, To give idea how much that is, it’s the biggest hole in sky not on a Southwest plane." –Craig Ferguson
"Bravo is canceling 'The Real Housewives of D.C.' after just one season. That's when unemployment is bad, when people who don't even have jobs are losing their jobs." –Jimmy Fallon
"President Obama said he doesn't have time to play games with Republicans on a budget deal. Which is bad news for the new video game 'Wii Budget Deal.'" –Jimmy Fallon
"Medical marijuana users are now lobbying for the right to carry firearms. Because no one is a better shot than a stoned old man with glaucoma." –Conan O'Brien
"Fox News' Geraldo Rivera was caught in the middle of a firefight between pro- and anti-government forces in Libya. He was lucky to get out alive because both sides were trying to shoot him." –Jay Leno
"President Obama announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. Unfortunately, his popularity is so low that he's running on the slogan, 'I'm Michelle Obama's husband.'" –Conan O’Brien
"Former first lady Laura Bush said in an interview that she and George W. Bush do everything together. Then she said she had to go because 'SpongeBob' was on." –Conan O'Brien
"Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it's mostly on top of the water." –Conan O'Brien
"Charlie Sheen's live show bombed so badly in Detroit that President Obama gave him a $4 billion bailout." –Jimmy Kimmel
"People who saw the show said it was disjointed, confusing, and largely nonsensical, which may have something to do with the fact that Charlie Sheen hosted it." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Southwest Airlines canceled 600 flights because of a plane that suddenly got a 5-foot hole in the roof. You know American wouldn’t have canceled all those flights. They’d have just started charging a $50 sunroof fee." –Jimmy Fallon
It looks like we’re heading for a government shutdown. And you thought Joe Biden had nothing to do before. –Jay Leno
Members of Congress will still get paid if there’s a shutdown. So it will be just like it is now. We’ll be paying them to do nothing. –Jay Leno
The most embarrassing part is that by the weekend, our government could be shut down, but Moammar Gadhafi’s government could still be working. –Jay Leno
President Obama announced that he will run for re-election in 2012. His new slogan is “Change you can believe in — this time, I promise.” –Jay Leno
It turns out the White House might have to lay off staff members if the government shuts down on Friday. It’s really bad news for non-essential workers — you know, interns, pages, Biden . . –Jimmy Fallon
Due to the budget impasse, the federal government may shut down next week. There will be another season of “Jersey Shore,” but the U.S. government is still up in the air. –Conan O’Brien
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