Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel and Craig Ferguson. (The rest are in reruns this week.)
"Donald Trump said he'd release his personal tax returns if Obama shows his birth certificate, which is probably the first you-show-me-yours-and-I’ll-show-you-mine in a presidential campaign since, well, Clinton probably." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Trump is very reluctant to release his tax returns. Either he doesn’t make as much money as he wants people to think he does, or he doesn't want anyone to know he claims his hairpiece as a dependent." –Jimmy Kimmel
"In an interview yesterday, Donald Trump said he has a good relationship with 'the blacks.' Well, not anymore." –Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama celebrated Passover with a Seder at the White House. This morning, Donald Trump demanded to see Obama's Bar Mitzvah certificate." –Jimmy Kimmel
"President Obama released his 2010 tax return. It turns out that he made $1.7 million and spent $14 trillion." –Conan O'Brien
"Donald Trump said that if President Obama releases his birth certificate, Trump will release his tax return. Obama said he won't run for a second term if Trump releases that thing on his head." –Conan O'Brien
"Gary Busey said on the 'Today Show' yesterday that Donald Trump would make a great President. Now Trump just needs endorsements from Randy Quaid and Charlie Sheen." –Conan O'Brien
"The FAA suspended an air traffic controller for watching a movie on the job. The controller said he was only watching a movie because he couldn't sleep." –Conan O'Brien
"NBC executives say that if Donald Trump does run for president, they will not renew 'The Apprentice.' So some good may come out of this." –Conan O'Brien
"Obama will participate in a town hall meeting hosted on Facebook. So just like everyone else in America, Obama will be on Facebook when he should be working." –Conan O'Brien
"Republican Rick Santorum got rid of his campaign slogan after he found it was similar to one coined by a gay man. No word yet on why he chose, 'Rick Santorum for President. I Love Penises.'" –Conan O'Brien
"To celebrate Kim Jong Il's birthday. North Korea held the biggest magic show ever. Things got out of control when the magician pulled a rabbit out of his hat and it was immediately eaten by 28 million people." –Conan O'Brien
"The poker sites broke the same law that prevents the banks from transferring money to offshore accounts. Now if there's anything I've learned, it's that Uncle Sam isn't going to let banks screw people over." –Craig Ferguson
"President Obama's critics are lashing out over him shutting down the poker sites. Sarah Palin called it an overreaction, Tim Pawlenty said it was irrational, and Donald Trump said, 'Be sure to watch 'Celebrity Apprentice.''" –Craig Ferguson
"Gambling and Washington don’t seem to go together at all. One's full of whores and seedy, soulless bastards and the other’s the gambling industry." –Craig Ferguson
"The boyhood home of Bill Clinton has been designated as a National Historic Site. It's great, but I hope it stops there. Because there are a million places that can say 'Bill Clinton Slept Here.'" –Craig Ferguson
"Forty percent of Americans say they would rather cut their own hair than do their taxes. And then there are people that would rather do neither. I'm talking to you, Willie Nelson." –Craig Ferguson
The governor of Hawaii said he first met President Obama just days after he was born. He knew it was Obama because he kept pointing to his diaper and calling for “change.” –Conan O’Brien
Donald Trump is apparently on top among Republican voters. People are responding to his straight-forward honesty, tough talk, and utter lunacy. -Jimmy Kimmel
If Trump does become president, I hope he puts a wig on his plane and calls it Hair Force One. -Jimmy Kimmel
Charlie Sheen was an hour late for his show in Washington, D.C. and he tweeted a picture of his police escort. Aren’t the police supposed to take Charlie Sheen from places? -Jimmy Kimmel
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