Tomorrow we celebrate Good Friday, where Christians traditionally fast, (so that they can eat more chocolate on Easter) pray (that they get more chocolate in their Easter baskets instead of those creepy marshmallow candies) and meditate on the suffering of Christ (since Hershey and the other candy companies had not yet developed candy yet back in his day.)
This is followed by Easter Sunday where Christian churches traditionally make their biggest haul in donations. So, you might say, to the churches Easter is like Christmas to them. Isn’t irony fun?
Easter is the day that Jesus was resurrected. He came out of the cave and said “Here I am, only dead three days and already you guys ate all of my Easter candy.” (Really, is wasn’t candy but instead frankincense and Myrrh, leftover from his birth because no one really knew what to do with that crap. But, since he was homeless when he was born his mother liked to tell him that stuff was special so he at least had something.)
Then, since Jesus was really hungry, not having eaten for three days, and there was no candy he looked around for something to eat. He saw a rabbit and thought, “Rabbit stew, that sounds good.” Jesus picked up a rock and prepared to slay the little bunny. He saw him nibbling on some grass and he said, “That’s right you waskly wabbit, have your last supper, for you are about to be mine.”
Just then the rabbit looked up and saw Jesus was about to throw a rock at him. He said, “Whoa, whoa, JC. What’s up? Why all the hostility?”
Jesus said, “Hey, I’m hungry, you are a rabbit. Let’s eat.” He cocked his arm again, ready to throw and the rabbit put up his paws.
“Wait a minute, wait a minute. You don’t want to kill me,” said the rabbit.
“Why not?”
The rabbit had to think fast. “Uh, because I’m not just any rabbit, I’m special.”
Jesus looked at him warily. “What’s so special about you?”
The rabbit hesitated, not knowing what to say then suddenly he pulled something out of his hat (metaphorically, that is, and by the way, it wasn’t a rabbit if that’s what you were thinking.) “Oh, oh, I know. I can talk, I’m a talking rabbit. That’s pretty special isn’t it?”
“Well, I guess that’s true. That is unique… But what good is that going to do me? I’m still hungry.”
“Okay, Okay. Let’s cut a deal. You don’t eat me and I’ll make it worth your while.”
“How?” The rock still in his hand ready to throw as needed.
The rabbit continued with his fast thinking, which spawned the phrase, “fast like a rabbit.” Then he said, “I know. Every year around this time, although it may not be exactly the same time each year, depending on what family obligations I have going on, I have a big family, you know, I will go around and give candy and Easter eggs to all the Christian families around the world in your memory. “
“Hmmm. That sounds pretty good.”
The rabbit sensed he needed to do more. “Oh, and not only that. I’ll go into Rome and make all those Jews that killed you feel so guilty about it that they will pass over eating for like a week or more every year at this time. Heck, I’ll just make them feel guilty about everything while I’m at it.”
Jesus was very happy with this. “Rabbit, you have a deal.” They shook on it. Then he said, “But, I am still hungry.”
The rabbit reached into the basket he had with him and pulled something out. “Here have an egg.”
“Thanks,” said Jesus and he added, “Wow, colorful too.”
And so, the Easter tradition, along with a few others, was born.
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