It was recently David Letterman's birthday so here are some of his best jokes over the last couple of years:
''It's interesting what former presidents do when they leave office. Bush is now working as a motivational speaker. And if you want to be motivated, who better to turn to than the guy who invaded the wrong country and started a depression.''
'The Pentagon held a press-conference about the military operation in Libya. They are calling it Odyssey Dawn. I believe it's the first military operation named after a stripper.''
''Doctors say Dick Cheney need a heart transplant, but Cheney isn't worried. He's already picked out a hunting buddy.''
''Dick Cheney predicts that President Obama will only last one term. This is coming from the same guy that predicted weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.''
''Snooki is now a published author. I'm blaming Sarah Palin. She lowered the bar.''
''TSA says they are going to crack down on the invasive pat-downs. In fact, one agent was transferred to another parish.''
''Mitt Romney looks like the guy on the 'Just For Men' bottle ... Mitt Romney looks like a guy who goes to the restroom when the check comes ... He looks like a guy who would run a seminar on condo flipping ... He looks like he is the closer at a Cadillac dealership.... He looks like that guy on the golf course in the Levitra commercial.''
''You know who I am talking about? The new senator from the state of Massachusetts. Before he got into politics, he had two jobs. He was a go-go boy. And he was also a nude model. And they swore him in last week. It was a moving ceremony. He put his hand on a copy of 'Cosmo.'''
''Here's big news: United States Senate reconfirms chairman of the Fed. Ben Bernanke was reconfirmed. So he'll have the job for four more years. I just hope we have an economy for four more years.''
''President Obama announced that he was running for a second term as president of the United States. There's a brand-new campaign slogan -- 'Give me four more years to find my birth certificate.''
No comments:
Post a Comment