It was David Letterman's birthday recently so here are some more of his best jokes over the last couple of years:
''There's wars in Iraq, Afghanistan and now Libya. You've heard the expression 'theater of war'? This is a multiplex.''
''You folks been following the big British Petroleum oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? I'm telling you, British Petroleum has put more birds in oil than Colonel Sanders.''
''Hillary Clinton is putting on a little weight. She'd better be careful. If she gains 10 more pounds, Bill's going to start hitting on her.''
''How about John McCain? He looks like a guy at a restaurant that says I'm leaving 10%, that's good enough ... John McCain, looks like the guy who goes to the curb for the paper and locks himself outside of the house ... He looks like the guy who picks up his TV remote when the phone rings ... He looks like the guy at the supermarket who is confused by the automatic doors.''
''Chelsea Clinton is getting married this weekend. A lot of security at the wedding, a huge security detail, and that's just to keep Bill from the bridesmaids.''
''Do you know where President Obama is right now? In China. Today he was over there. They're touring him around. He got to see where they keep all our money.''
''I mean you think about the guy, the Nigerian guy, who was going to blow up the plane. He was wearing a pair of Fruit of the Lunatic. ... Guy was not too bright. He said that the reason he became a suicide bomber was to work his way up in the al Qaeda organization.''
''On his book tour President Bush is being very candid. He says he used to do stupid things when he was drunk. But think about it, who among us hasn't had a couple of drinks and invaded Iraq?''
''Good news, ladies and gentlemen. Retail sales this year are up. That is fantastic news for the economy of China.''
''Massachusetts elects a Republican who drives a truck with 200,000 miles on it. It's a Chevy truck. Which is more hard to believe, that Massachusetts elects a Republican, or Chevy builds a truck that lasts 200,000 miles?''
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