Dear God,
It’s me, Adam. I, being a man and your ultimate creation, don’t really like to complain, but I feel a need to voice my opinion. It seems like you made Eve with a few too many flaws. Of course I love her, but there are times when she can be just a little too grumpy. It seems to occur at regular intervals every month. It seems like a basic flaw in the design. I’m pretty mechanically inclined, being a man, so if you’d like some help on fixing that I’d like to offer my services.
The next thing is, again, not complaining because you know I never do, but it seems like Eve tends to nag a little too much. After a long day of work in the Garden of Eden I like to come home and relax. The problem is as soon as Eve sees me sitting on my reclining chair with my feet propped up she thinks I should be doing something around the house like painting or fixing something. Maybe, in the new design you could have the women do those kinds of chores. I think the men of future generations will thank me for making that request.
Next up, and you know I’m not a complainer, but, Eve seems to whine an awful lot. If she’s not happy, nobody is going to be happy. If she doesn’t like some situation she just tends to complain and go on and on about it no matter what. I can give her an infinite amount of solutions but she’ll just tell me how they would never work, without her ever trying them. It can get very frustrating.
Lastly, as we know our language has not developed very far yet, since we don’t have a word to describe this next thing, I’m going to have to coin a new word to describe it. It seem like what she frequently does should be called “bitching.” Yeah, I don’t know why but that just feels like an accurate description of the way she tends to act. I guess the bitching, boy I really like that word, could be summed up to include all the things I already mentioned.
Well, God, I want to thank you very much for listening. You know I’m not complaining here, because then I’d be doing exactly what I accused Eve of doing. As we know I’m not a bitch. There is a word that Eve has come up with to call me, which is “Asshole” and I have to say I’m not really fond of that name. I’m pretty sure she’s not using it a complimentary way. Then again you didn’t make her perfect like you made me so maybe she does intend it as a compliment, who knows? I can’t really figure women out.
I know you told me before you accidentally dropped the mold that you made me from and it broke it so you were unable to make Eve as perfect as I am. But, then again, since you did make me so perfect maybe I could help you fix up the pattern for Eve. It’s an idea anyway.
Well, thanks for listening God, we’ll be in touch. Hopefully you’ll consider my offer before you make too many more models of these women. If there were a lot of women and they were doing this bitching thing it may be tough for future men to bear. Just in case you turn down my offer, though, I’ve been thinking of an invention that will help men in the future cope with the bitching. It would be a thing called a “bar.”
Sincerely,
Adam
Dear Adam,
I think you should know, I’m actually a woman.
Sincerely,
God
Dear God,
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Adam
(Side note from God: “I’m neither a man or a woman but it sure was fun to yank Adam’s chain. I think I'll call that 'humor'”)
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