Here are David Letterman's Top Ten Lists from last week:
Top Ten Things We'll Miss About Regis
10.Smell of Bengay and Captain Morgan
9.The endless complaining
8.His stories about babysitting for Knute Rockne
7.Did I mention the endless complaining
6.The way he always lets you pay for dinner
5.Who do you think killed Osama?
4.The various talented actors who have played Regis
3.His antique car collection and his enormous chin
2.When the IRS busted him for skimming prize money from "Beautiful Baby Week"
1.This (VT: Shirtless Regis)
Top Ten Things Said To Me, Dave, Backstage At "Live! With Regis And Kelly"
10."And you are...?"
9."It's one of Regis' last shows -- try not to ruin it"
8."Hair and makeup? What's the point?"
7."Thank you for coming out of retirement to do our show"
6."Please tell me you're not Regis' replacement"
5."Gelman frisks all of the guests"
4."Just what we need, another whiny old guy"
3."Why is Regis quitting, and you still have a show?"
2."There he is -- get him!"
1."Right this way, Conan"
Top Ten Thoughts That Went Through Herman Cain's Mind During This Moment
10."Libya? I remember Lydia, but I don't remember a Libya"
9."I told them politics was off limits"
8."Maybe if I hold perfectly still, everybody will think their DVRs are on pause"
7."Why the hell am I in Milwaukee?"
6."Uh, 9-9-9?"
5."What would Rick Dees do?"
4."I'm gonna be on YouTube!"
3."I should have called Bob Costas"
2."These things are a lot funnier when it happens to Rick Perry"
1."Well, it's been fun, see you in 2016!"
Top Ten Ways The World Would Be Different If Everyone Were Named Newt
10.Goodbye eggs benedict; hello eggs Newt
9.Beatles broke up because "Newt" couldn't get along with "Newt"
8.Trump would be known as "The Newt"
7.Still have a tattoo of your ex-girlfriend's name? No problem!
6.Santa now says, "On Newt, on Newt, on Newt and Newt, on Newt, on Newt, on Newt and Newt"
5.The mother on "How I Met Your Mother": Newt
4.When you tell your iPhone to call Newt, it says, "Be more specific, Newt"
3.On "Jeopardy," people just keep buzzing in and saying, "Who is Newt?"
2.When you just say, "Newt" with no last name, people know you're referring to Newt Winfrey
1.You know who ain't gonna be President? Newt Perry
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