We’ve all seen many comparisons of cats and dogs. Many people strongly favor one or the other, although some people are bi- household animal lovers and have both dogs and cats. Very often we wonder what animals are thinking and we can only guess. Fortunately, today we have Dr. Stevie Doolittle here to tell us what they really think and say. (That’s me, by the way.)
First of all, you should know that cats always talk in a very snotty aloof British accent. Not that all British accents are snotty, of course, but the ones that cat’s use is, like that of a billionaire’s English butler. The exception to this is if your cat is from the south, then he talks in a slick southern plantation owner accent. Most dogs don’t have a real accent except for the real small breed like Chihuahua, Pekinese, etc., pick you breed (also pick your accent.) Dogs are always enthusiastic, but the smaller ones are sometimes antagonistic. For example, if you walk past a yard that has a Chihuahua in it and he is barking vigorously at your ankles, what he’s really saying is, “This is my land. Get away or I’ll scratch your eyes out, I’ll kill you, I’ll pulverize you, I’ll have you for lunch, etc.”
That’s what he’s saying until you step towards him or lightly stomp your foot at him. Then as he’s running away he’s saying, “Whoa, whoa, I was just kidding, can’t you take a joke and just so you know I’m not scared I just thought I heard my human call me.” Then he forgets why he was running away and comes back to barking at your ankles and the whole sequence starts over again.
If you ask a dog to shake his paw here’s what he’s thinking as he gives you his paw, “Sure, what else you want? Wanna play? I can fetch. Want your slippers? I’ll get the paper. I’ll sniff your butt if you bend over.”
Ask a cat to shake his paw and this is what you’ll get. A smug stare followed by the thought, “I don’t do tricks. But here’s one you can do. You can kiss my…No, I need to train this imbecile better. Get me some food and brush me and we’ll discuss this need to shake later on…if I can fit you in between naps.” And he walks away.
If you call a dog to come over where you’re at he’ll do so enthusiastically, wagging his tail, even if he was in a sound sleep when you called him and he’ll be saying, “Wanna play? I can fetch. Want your slippers? I’ll get the paper. I can sniff you butt if you bend over.”
If you call a cat to come to you when he was in a sound sleep, which is pretty much always how they are, he may open his eyes to look at you, but if he bothers it’s only to give you the message, “You annoy me.”
When you compliment a dog he’ll get excited and wag his tail and say “Wanna play? I can fetch. Want your slippers? I’ll get the paper. I can sniff your butt if you bend over.”
If you compliment a cat it will give you that long uncaring stare and say, “Duh, I know I’m beautiful. Don’t expect a compliment in return. I’m liable to defecate in your shoe for speaking to me. Now, do something to serve me, you peon.”
I think you get the idea in the difference between cats and dogs. This is neither meant as an endorsement or condemnation of either animal, it all has to do with what you want in an animal. But one thing is for sure, if you are looking to get your butt sniffed, go for the dog.
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