Here are David Letterman's Top Ten Lists from last week:
Top Ten Signs You Ate Too Much At Thanksgiving Dinner
10.You're sweatin' giblets
9.By the time everyone finished saying grace, you were having seconds
8.Like parade balloons, you require a dozen handlers to navigate you to the couch
7.To pry you from your chair, family slathers you in Crisco
6.Asked yourself, "What would Chris Christie do?"
5.Pants button popped and knocked out grandma
4.You're visible from the International Space Station
3.Your skin has taken on the hue of ham glaze
2.Your ass went from Kourtney to Kim
1.You have to loosen the buckle on your watch
Top Ten Super Committee Excuses
10."Spent too much time picking a cool name for the committee"
9."Got distracted by Congress's new 'Donkey Kong' machine"
8."Wasted time trying on each other's hairpieces"
7."When your options are to solve the national debt crisis or see the new Twilight movie, you see the new Twilight movie"
6."Quit early to get in line for the black Friday sale at Annie Sez"
5."It's the curse of the chupacabra"
4."We're assembling a special committee to come up with excuses"
3."It's Robert Wagner's fault"
2."Hey, normally it takes us twice as long to get nothing done"
1."President Santorum will figure it out"
Top Ten Other Articles In the Al Qaeda Magazine
10."How To Winterize Your Beard"
9."Sexiest Mullah Alive"
8."Turn Your Boring Kaftan From Drab To Fab"
7."Secrets To A Happier Arranged Marriage"
6."101 Steamy Waterboarding Positions"
5."What's the Right Shoe Bomb For You?"
4."2011 Motor Trend Camel of the Year"
3."An Interview With the King of Cool, Habib Clooney"
2."Budget-Friendly Ideas For Decorating Your Spiderhole"
1."Letterman Fatwa: What Took So Long?"
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