(Note: This was an article I had written last year for Thanksgiving but the site was very new then so I am posting it again for all the new readers to enjoy.)
Thanksgiving is almost here. This wonderful holiday means many things to many people. To the football fan it is being able to watch football all day on a day that is not Saturday or Sunday. To people who like to gorge themselves with food it is more fun than a sex therapist walking in on an orgy. But to some people it is a an actual day when they do give thanks, such as that Nigerian businessman giving thanks to Al Gore for inventing the Internet so that he could find that one in 10,000,000 people that is gullible enough to actually give out their bank information in hopes of getting rich.
There are really so many things that we can all give thanks for and when we look deep into our hearts it’s not hard to find them, for example:
Donald Trump can be thankful for all the money he makes because it gives him hope of someday having enough of it to find a cure for the bad hairdo.
Jon and Kate can be thankful for reality TV where people with no observable talent or skill can somehow still become famous and make a fortune.
Fox News can be thankful for Obama being critical of them and bringing up their ratings.
The drug lobbyist can give thankful that there are organizations within our government such as the FDA and Congress where you can still slip people money under the table and get them to do what you want even if you and the organizations you represent are a lying sack of dung.
Ronald McDonald can be thankful for the fact that he met his wife before she ever got a taste of the Burger King’s whopper.
Turkeys can be thankful that there is only one day a year (although for many people Christmas too) where they have to fear for their lives.
But enough of that. I always wondered what it was like being a turkey on a turkey farm leading up to Thanksgiving:
Scene 1 – It is a sunny day in late April and two Turkeys, Tom and Tim, are laying on lounge chairs with their sunglasses on, smoking cigars and sipping on a beverage.
Tom: It doesn’t get any better than this. Whoever said being a turkey was a hard life didn’t know what he was talking about.
Tim: Yep, surrounded by chicks (A mother turkey walks by with her babies.) (Author’s note: baby turkeys are officially called poults but that doesn’t fit with the dialogue here, so deal with it!) We live the good life, all right.
Scene 2 – (Author’s note again, the scenes are not that long because turkeys are not known as great conversationalists.)It is mid-summer and Tom and Tim are sitting by the pool.
Tom: It sure is great to be a turkey.
Tim: Yeah, we could have been pigs and we’d have to worry about people who love bacon.
(They both laugh heartily.)
Scene 3. (It is late October. Tom and Tim are sitting outside their roost. They both have concerned looks on their faces.)
Tom: Have you noticed less of our turkey friends around here lately?
Tim: Yeah, I wonder what’s going on?
They see the farmer walking towards them with an axe. They look at each other wide-eyed and scream.)
Tom & Tim: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!
(Author’s note, yet again, Tom and Tim thought the farmer was coming at them with an axe because he was going to make them into food but the real reason was because this little play was going nowhere!)
Moral of the story: If you are an actual turkey, it may seem like everything is going your way but you will, eventually, lose it all in the end. (Congressmen up for re-election next year need to take note.)
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