Once upon a time the mid-term election disaster occurred. Barack Obama woke up feeling woozy, having been knocked out by the hurricane that hit the Democrats on election day. He looked around but the surroundings didn’t look like anything he had ever seen before, including a mysterious yellow brick road. He looked at his dog and said, “I don’t think we are in Washington any more Bobo.”
Bobo barked as if to say, ”Duh.”
They both looked around and saw a strangely familiar man with an orange glow to him. “Who are you? And where are we?” asked Barack.
“I’m John, the Good Warlock of the East,” answered the man who looked amazingly like John Boehner. “You need to follow the yellow brick road and find the Wizard of Asia and see if you can get the country’s money back. He’s in China.”
“Can Bobo go too?”
“Bobo too,” answered John.
“Okay, but let me be clear, I’m not walking, I’m the President. I’m taking Air force One.”
“But that will be so much more expensive.”
“Have you ever heard of tax payers? That’s why we have them, to supply money for the Royalty.
John rolled his eyes, ”Whatever.”
Barack and Bobo headed out toward Air Force One and very soon they came upon a man who was looking all around the ground, behind trees, etc. “Hey, what are you looking for?” asked Barack.
“I need a brain. I’ve got to find a f___ing brain,” answered the man.
“You look like Joe Biden.”
“Well, my name is Joe. Can you help me find a brain?”
“Maybe. Bobo and I are going to see the Wizard of Asia to get America’s money back. Maybe he can give you a brain.”
“Okay, I’ll join you.”
A moment after continuing a woman flew down on a broom. Startled, Barack asked, “Nancy Pelosi, is that you?
“No, they call me the Wicked Witch of the West and I’m here to get rid of you and your idiot friend, Joe, so that I can be President, even if it will only last for 2 months. It’ll be better than nothing.”
Bobo ran up to her and started barking. “Hey get that mutt away from me. If he bites me it will really hurt and my face is too frozen to change expressions.”
“Why is that?”
“That stupid goody-goody, Warlock of the East put a spell on me so that I have a permanent Botox fixation. After I take care of you two I’ll take care of him too.” Just then Bobo walked up close to her and started lifting his leg. She screamed and flew off on her broom but warned them. “I’ll be back.”
They headed out again to find Air Force One. Very soon they came across two men. One was on the left side of the road and another on the right. “Who are you two guys?”
The man on the right answered first. “I need to find a heart, so I was thinking of ripping his out.”
“Let me guess, you need some courage?” Barack said to the man on the left.
“No, actually, I’d like to get a personality. Apparently, I’ve never had one.”
“Wait a minute. Aren’t you Dick Cheney and Harry Reid?” Barack asked.
The man on the left answered, “No, but I am called Harry and many people have referred to him as a Dick.”
Dick snarled at Harry.
“I’m looking for money and Joe here, is looking for a brain. We hope the Wizard of Asia can help us. Why don’t you come with us? Wait,” Barack said to Dick. “You weren’t hunting for that heart with a gun were you? I don’t want to get shot in the face.”
“No, all I have with me is a water board.”
Okay, let’s get going, I only have ten days for this trip to Asia.”
They hurried along and got to Air Force One. Just as they were taking off The Wicked Witch of the West was flying up on her broom but she accidentally got caught up in the exhaust of the plane and it made her fall to the ground. Then suddenly a man who looked strangely like Glenn Beck ran up with a bucket of water and threw it on her. As she started to melt he noticed he didn’t have enough water to finish the job. He looked around for a water source but upon finding none he got the idea to finish her off the way Bobo was going to. Barack and the others were watching all this from up in Air Force One. After seeing what happened they all looked at each other, shrugged and said, “Eh.”
Finally, the plane landed in Asia and they saw a sign on a building that said “The Wizard of Asia”. There were many small people working on the building that they thought were munchkins but as they got closer they realized they were Chinese children.
They walked into the building and saw a man that looked just Barack Obama standing behind a curtain.
Confused, Joe looked at the Barack that was with them and asked, “How can you be two people at once?”
“Hey, shut up, you don’t even have a brain. It’s my dream, so if I can’t be the son of God in this one I’ll at least be a wizard.”
The Wizard Barack said unenthusiastically, “Ignore the man behind the curtain, blah, blah, whatever.” He walked out to meet them. “Okay, you found me so what do you want?
Joe took the lead and said, “I’m here looking for a brain, this guy wants a heart and he wants a personality. And this guy who looks just like you would like to get some money from China so that America can be the richest country in the world again.”
The Wizard looked at them in the order Joe had requested. “You are an idiot and will never have a brain, you are mean and will never get a heart, and you… man, you are just flat out boring. You could hook up with Al Gore and between the two of you, you still wouldn’t have half of a personality. And as for you, Barack, just do everything the opposite of what you have done so far and things will start to go right for your country. I can however, give your dog a biscuit.”
Just then, back in Washington, Michelle Obama was shaking Barack, who was in his bed wearing pajamas that said “It’s good To Be The King” and they were adorned with little crowns. “Wake up Barack. It’s time for your bowling lessons.”
He sat up abruptly. “Wow! Did I ever have a nightmare.”
“Don’t feel bad, all of America is having a nightmare. The good news is it will all be over in two years.”
THE END
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