Here are the best jokes of the week from the late night comedians including Jay Leno. Jimmy Fallon, Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Kimmel and David Letterman:
"Because of a printing error, a billion new $100 bills have to be destroyed. They're going to burn $100 billion dollars — just like they did with the last stimulus program." –Jay Leno
"President Obama's pledge to have the most transparent administration in history has come true. Thanks to WikiLeaks." –Jay Leno
"You have to be careful of political correctness this time of the year. You can't call them 'Santa's elves' anymore. They're 'undocumented little people.'" –Jay Leno
"Iran began holding talks with the six world powers. Participants were the U.S., Russia, China, Britain, France, and Oprah." –Conan O'Brien
"Willie Nelson was arrested for possession of marijuana. Nothing yet on bin Laden, but we got Willie Nelson." –David Letterman
"WikiLeaks head Julian Assange says that if arrested, he will release secret documents, including information on UFOs. Arrest him, I want to see those documents." –Jimmy Kimmel
"Nigerian authorities are charging former Vice President Dick Cheney on a bribery scandal that involves Haliburton. That's when you know you're bad, when guys in Nigeria are accusing YOU of running a scam. Cheney has offered to be hooked up to a polygraph, as soon as he's unhooked from the defibrillator." –Jay Leno
"President Obama made a surprise visit to Afghanistan. Nobody knew he was going — except for the WikiLeaks guy." –Jay Leno
"Obama was going to have a meeting with Afghan President Karzai about the country's corruption, incompetence, and the wasting of American tax dollars. And that's just what Karzai was going to lecture Obama about." –Jay Leno
"What kind of name is WikiLeaks? It sounds like a Hawaiian guy that's incontinent." –Jay Leno
On a recent worldwide math test, American teenagers ranked 25th out of 34 countries. When they heard this, American teens said, “Yea right, like there are 34 countries.” –Conan O’Brien
New York City taxi drivers are being told to start racially profiling their passengers. They’re supposed to report anyone that looks like them. –Conan O’Brien
Charles Manson was caught with a cell phone hidden underneath his prison mattress. Guards became suspicious after Manson started wearing a Bluetooth earphone. –Conan O’Brien
The majority of women say they don’t need presents and they just look forward to spending time with their mates on Christmas. Guys, it’s a trick. –Jay Leno
According to a report, the worst drivers in the country are in Washington, D.C. Republicans can only turn right, Democrats can only turn left, and Obama is weaving all over the place. –Jay Leno
The tax cut deal means tax cuts for the rich and benefits for the unemployed. If you work for a living, you’re screwed. –Jay Leno
China is holding about a trillion dollars in U.S. debt. Next time you go for Chinese food and the bill comes, tell them to put it on the tab. –Jay Leno
The census showed that over the last 10 years, the U.S. population grew by roughly 30 million people. When I heard that, I was like, “Por qué?” –Jimmy Fallon
There’s a medical marijuana store in California that apparently makes home deliveries. I think that's called a “dealer.” –Jimmy Fallon
A man in Australia married his 5-year-old Labrador. That's just wrong. You can't make a big decision like that when you're only 5 years old. –Jimmy Fallon
I read that UPS is now requiring customers to show a photo ID when they ship something. It’s just like the TSA. First, they check your ID, and then they check your package. –Jimmy Fallon
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