Upon seeing an advertisement for the “Grinch Who Stole Christmas” it put me into a reflective mood. As a result this article may be more reflective than humorous. You could say the Grinch stole more than my Christmas; he stole a good part of my year.
It started in January, which was not good at all. Then I recovered and things got better for a few months. Then the Grinch was very active in April and put me in the depths of despair which lasted for a couple of months. Following that with some very savvy help the Grinch got his ass kicked all over the place and I was much better. Life continued to get better and better and I am again doing great!
Okay, enough of the reflection! I am back to feeling like the rest of this article should be humor. You see, that is how a man will typically reflect on an entire year. Now for the humor side of the article we’ll look at how a woman reflects on things. (Sorry ladies, it’s what I do. Which gives me a perfect opportunity to make a shameless plug for an e-book I will be selling on my web site very soon, entitled “How to Romance a Woman and other Crap Like That”.)
Commercial over, now back to how a woman reflects on things. To imagine a woman reflecting on a full year is out of the question since this is not a book of encyclopedic proportions. Instead, we’ll mock-up her reflecting upon just one date with a man. It goes without saying that she’ll be going over it in her head for days after it occurred.
Here is a microcosm of her thoughts before the date as she gets ready:
“Why won’t my hair do what I want it to?”
“I knew I should have gotten my hair cut”
“My breasts look too small in this top.”
“These jeans make my ass look fat.”
“I need to go on a diet.”
“That’s too much mascara.”
“That’s not enough mascara.”
“I wonder what we should talk about?”
“I should have gotten my teeth whitened.”
“My thighs look fat in these pants.”
“I don’t like this outfit. I’m changing.” (That statement at least 5 times or more.)
Multiply this by about one hundred and she is now ready for the date to begin. Here are some of the thoughts that occur during the date that she will mull over for days.
“Does he like me?”
“I wonder if my breath is okay?”
“Does he think I’m a good kisser?”
“Does he think my breasts are too small?”
“Does he think my thighs are too fat?” (Note the recurring theme on the body parts.)
“Does he like the sound of my voice?”
“I wonder if I should have sex with him?”
“Will he enjoy sex if we do it?”
Etc., Etc., Etc. You get the idea with more of the same after the date.
On the other hand, the man will have one thought before, during and after the date (about the next date with her,) “I hope we’re going to have sex.”
It’s been that way forever. There were slight variations, for example, in Victorian times she would have thought, “I wonder if thouest thinkest my thighs are fat?” But otherwise it’s basically the same. Men are just simpler than woman. (And I fear many women are thinking that simpler, especially about me at the moment, is not a flattering term. But that’s okay because since I kicked that Grinch’s ass, as I said before, I’m all about having fun even when it’s at my expense!)
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