Here is a spattering of Christmas humor that was sent to me by others. It's good stuff whether you celebrate Christmas or not.
Assorted X-mas One-Liners
1. A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said: "Anyone want to buy a present?"
2. Hear about Santa and his reindeer landing on top of an outhouse? Santa looked around for a moment, then hollered "No no, Rudolph! I said the SCHMIDT house!"
3. No one in the history of the world has ever purchased a fruitcake for themselves.
4. No parent in their right mind would give a 6-year-old a drum set, therefore Santa exists!!
5. The 3 stages of man: He believes in Santa Claus. He doesn't believe in Santa Claus. He is Santa Claus.
6. Why is Santa Claus always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
7. Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
8. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
9. When you stop believing in Santa Claus is when you start getting clothes for Christmas.
TOP 10 REASONS WHY CHANUKAH IS BETTER THAN CHRISTMAS
10. There’s no “Donny and Marie Chanukah Special.”
9. Eight days of presents (in theory, anyway).
8. No need to clean the chimney.
7. There’s no latke-nog.
6. Burl Ives doesn’t sing Chanukah songs.
5. You won’t be pressured to buy Chanukah Seals.
4. You won’t see, “You’re a Putz, Charlie Brown.”
3. No barking dog version of “I had a Little Driedl.”
2. No pine needles to vacuum up afterwards.
and the Number 1 reason why Chanukah is better than Christmas…
1. Blintzes are cheaper to mail than fruitcakes.
“Are you like me and think Christmas is starting earlier and
earlier every year? For example, all those decorations up on
5th Avenue – those are for next year.” –Dave Letterman
—
“I bought my Christmas tree today. I think I made a mistake
though. I bought the three year extended warranty. I don’t
think I need that.” –Jay Leno
—
Isn’t it ironic that two of the most popular Christmas songs
were written by Jews. Mel Torme’s “Christmas Song” and
Irving Berlin’s “White Christmas”.
—
No comments:
Post a Comment