Here are some various New Years funny quotes and jokes that other have sent to me:
Ten Indications of a New Year Hangover
- You get it into your head that chirping birds are the Devil's pets.
- Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "Stay still."
- Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as drinking a glass of fresh paint.
- The bathroom reminds you of the fairground cry, "Step right up and give it whirl!"
- You'd rather chew tacks than be exposed to sunlight.
- You set aside an entire afternoon to spend some quality time with your toilet.
- You replace the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.
- Your catch phrase is, "Never again."
- You could purchase a new fridge on the proceeds from recycling the bottles around your bed.
- Your new response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!"
New Year's Day Quotes
- New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.
Mark Twain - One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things.
John Burroughs - Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.
Oscar Wilde
As in many homes on New Year's Day, Steve and his wife the annual conflict of which was more important - the football games on television, or the dinner itself. To keep peace, Steve ate dinner with the rest of the family, and even lingered for some pleasant after-dinner conversation, before retiring to the family room to turn on the game.
Several minutes later, his wife came downstairs and graciously even bought a cold drink for him. She smiled, kissed him on the cheek and asked what the score was. Steve told her it was the end of the third quarter and that the score was still nothing to nothing. "See?" she said, continuing to smile, "You didn't miss a thing."
Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'
'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.
At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.
The New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going.
At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement.
He sat there happily for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway."
The guest continued, "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved."
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